Greetings from the somewhat Quiet Zone! I haven’t written a thing in ages, and it’s not that I haven’t wanted to write, I just haven’t made time to do it. It comes and goes, the feeling that I have to get it out of the brain and on to the laptop. As an added bonus, my laptop is aging faster than I am, and needs to be replaced, but I just don’t want to spend money on things I need. It is so much more fun to piss it away on things that are fun. I actually got it booted up this morning, so I thought I would give it a shot.
How have you been? I am doing ok, just mired down in middle age and peri-menopause. I am not doing bad, I just don’t exactly feel like I am doing great. Like I am in a funk, but not so bad as all that. It’s tough to explain. I am probably no different than any other woman my age, or man really, just figuring out what this phase is all about. A lot of friends are the same, so I don’t necessarily feel that bad about the place I am in. I keep going, and getting where I need to be, I just am not feeling the inherent joy that all the pharmaceutical ads on TV tell me I should have. I will get there, I ain’t worried.
I turned 56 a few months ago. That number is a small reality check, as it doesn’t sound right when I say it out loud. It helps that people don’t believe me when I tell them my age. A couple of people I work with are the same-ish age as me, and we kind of have a little unspoken fraternity about it. That’s fun, denial and solidarity are a great place to exist. Mostly I want to talk about how much the 80s were better than any time since then, and they go along with it. Then the twentysomethings we work with don’t understand our references and we feel old. I can’t even tell them to ask their parents because they were born in 1990. No fun. (That may be bad math, but all I know is they all are excited about a Hannah Montana anniversary special, and I can’t relate.) I just watch reruns of Friends and rock and mumble in a corner.
In a few weeks it will be a year since I lost my Zelda girl. Which means in a month and a few weeks it will be a year since I brought my sweet, but sassy, Papi home. Dogs, I tell ya. I miss Zelda every day, but Papi is a distraction of the best kind. He is a good boy mostly, but he does get a little lippy sometimes. He kind of “talks” at me, as it were. He has no problem telling me I am not petting him enough, or the right way. He has picked up a few Zelda vibes too, like right this moment he is securing the perimeter from the front window, sitting exactly like she used to from the couch. I catch myself every now and again, thinking I am seeing her. But he is half her size, so the illusion is of a smaller type. He brings me a lot of joy, but even more importantly, he brings his Joy Show over to my brother and sister-in-law, who can use some extra joy in their lives currently. The situation isn’t mine to talk about, but let’s just say I am thankful this little nerd dog came along when he did, they need him as much as I do.
The complicated times we are living in seems to be weighing a lot of people down. I was going to go on a rant about it, but deleted the paragraph I had written and updated on sweet Papi instead. No sense getting riled up on a Sunday morning, even if there is reason to do so. I just hope everyone is hanging in there. Rising prices at the pump, in the grocery store and elsewhere, all a result of millionaires making decisions that will only benefit them, is a tough conversation to host. So I am going to skip it, most people want a diversion. If you are struggling, you aren’t alone. Nearly 9 million people walked it out yesterday to show some solidarity you may not feel at any given time. There are people feeling the same, and they want to lift us out of it, even if they aren’t sure how just yet. I feel it, and even though I feel the funk sometimes, I feel the hope too.
We are in Spring now, and Easter is next week. The flowers will be here soon, the chirping birds tell me it is so. There is more daylight, and that isn’t just a metaphor. We have reasons to believe that things improve, changing seasons can do that for a person. Don’t stand still, move forward a little if that’s what you can do, each day. Pray if that’s your thing, meditate, pause and let a little hope move you towards that lightness you seek. Find that little joyful thing, like Papi does for me, and have a beautiful week ahead. I will try to keep up the writing thing a smidge more, I like the way it makes me feel to get it out once in a while. I don’t have a lot of people that follow this, but some do, and I appreciate it. Always.
Coco's Veiw of the World 