How to Spot a D-Bag

My years of working in the restaurant world has cultivated a great knowledge of the D-Bag. I can go on for hours about how to spot one, the clues, their habits and mannerisms. If I thought I could make money doing it I would be teaching a seminar on it now. And sometimes people surprise you, they come across douchey (not sure that is a word, but for our purposes today, it is.) but then they say or do something cool and boom- douchiness disappears. Those are good days, to be sure.

Something that will put you on the Eternal Douchebag List is actually something criminal: The Old Dine and Dash. And there seems to be a little more of this going on lately. I can think of at least five times at my work in the past 10 months or so. It happened last night, on our patio. It was a busy night, and the patio was full and these D-bags had a bill that was almost $75. They had drinks, an appetizer and entrees. They up and left, and people saw it happen, but because they did it in shifts, sort of, nobody thought much of it. The girl left first, saying she was grabbing her phone out of the car. Then the 2 guys with her followed a minute or two later. Douchbags. Plain and simple. Thankfully, we have cameras, so we can go back and look, and hopefully we got them driving out of the parking lot. But a lot of the time it’s just a loss. You don’t usually catch up with the D-Bag Patrol.

I had 2 younger ladies try it with me once. They up and left, but I ran out and got their license plate # and we called the Police. They had them pulled over within a mile of the restaurant. They asked how we wanted to handle it, and my MOD said if they returned before we closed, and paid we would let it go, if not, cuff ’em and stuff ’em!!! They came in a few minutes later, heads hanging low. That’s right girls!! You don’t pull that crap on me!! Did they learn a lesson? I do not know, but they sure looked humiliated and shamed that night.

Back to the crime. This is no different than shoplifting. You can be prosecuted for this. We had a few young people do it last year, and we had good images of them on camera, so the boss posted it to Facebook. It was total Restaurant CSI! We got calls pretty quick, and one lady was the grandma of the one young lady in the video. She offered to pay for what her granddaughter owed as long as we took the video down. I am not sure how it all worked out in the end, but I am sure that girl does not do that anymore, Grandma was pissed!!!

So, at the end of the day, don’t be a D-bag. You may have crossed into criminal behavior that will get you in deep trouble with your Grandma. I don’t know how your grandma is, but I imagine her wrath is not worth stiffing a restaurant on a burrito. Besides, most places have security cameras, and you will be publicly shamed on social media. By the way, my boss is a good guy, and the server is not on the hook for the bill, but she felt mad, bad and other emotions that make for a really bad night. The swear words we used are not suitable for ears outside a restaurant kitchen, and we swear in Spanish and English at my job!!

A big shout out to the awesome people that come in on my Monday nights to keep me from becoming homicidal when things go like they did last night!! Jaime, Audrey and Jim, Brian and Lori and Layton, and Carlos and Peggy on the patio. They were ready to ID these thugs in a lineup, identifying cars, and probably collecting DNA samples off the margarita glasses!! Regular customers keep a business humming along, and keep the employees closer to sane than anything else possibly ever could!!! Definitely NOT D-bags!!! Cheers Friends!!!

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