Merry Happy Ho Ho Holidays

I work near a mall, and in a very heavy retail area. So this time of year I get a lot of weary Christmas shoppers and I love talking to them about their trials and tribulations of trying to get ready for their holidays. Good times, really.

One of my favorites is the people who stop for a drink or two before they start shopping. They have lists, and are very obvious in their plotting and planning. They are gonna get it done, all in one day. Sure. I usually see them again a couple of hours later. But they do usually get it done, and it is a celebratory mood when they come back. The ones who don’t get it done are in the “screw it” mode and are already cruising Amazon as they order a really big margarita. These are my people, the ones I identify with the most.

The people who shop first then come to the restaurant usually have a glazed over look about them. They have seen the worst of holiday shopping and need me to help them heal. They are fun too, and I let them vent about it, and I encourage them in case they need to go out there again. It’s more like therapy at this point. They need me. They need alcohol and likely some queso and chips. All very soothing, really. I am here for you, it will all be ok, I promise.

This is a thing we have all seen. The Overachievers who are all done with their shopping and everything is wrapped. What is that? There are still 15 days to go, who are you? They just go out in public to gloat. They are usually accompanied by a very frazzled friend who will not ever be done with their shopping. And the frazzled friend hates them. But she needed someone to help her with the second cart at Walmart and the Overachiever has all the time in the world to help because she frosted all her cookies weeks ago. We hate these people. Regular people do not like you. I hope you know that. You probably listen to Christmas music in June. Go away.

Men that have no idea what they are buying and are running out of time. They won’t be out in force for a week or so yet. They are great customers for me. Because they don’t really want to go out and do it anyway, they are easily swayed into staying and drinking longer. And they will recruit their friends. Start with one of two, and soon you have a group, they’re jagged and also checking Amazon frequently. We have free wi-fi for a reason, you know?

I hope your holiday prep is going the way you want it to. I am not really there yet, and that is ok. I relish being a last minute person. I always say, Christmas will come whether I am ready or not, so I am not going to stress about it. When you do go out, remember there are friendly bartenders who are willing to help you. Not with your shopping, but with your prep or recovery of shopping. We are here. No worries.

Merry Christmas my people. And every holiday you have in the next few weeks will be good, please don’t worry. Have some fun, and take a minute to take it all in and enjoy it, it goes by quick and you will have almost a year to recover.

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