It’s not my favorite day. I have mentioned how brutal August has been in the past, and today is the date that all started. Late in the night of August 30, 1990 we got a phone call that changed my life. We needed to get back to the hospital, it wasn’t looking good for our dad. He had been in the hospital for 2 weeks. He had a heart attack, he had some blockages and they did a bypass surgery. He just couldn’t recover from it. As strong as he was, it was all complications after that surgery. He died that night.
Crushed. Broken hearted. Demolished. I can think back and think of all of those things I felt, we felt as a family, and I feel it right now as I write this. It’s been 29 years, most days I don’t experience it like this anymore. I miss him, every day, but it isn’t as painful anymore, just a dull ache. It’s there all the time so I don’t notice it so much. But on this day, as I read my old Facebook memories and see the pictures, that weight crushes me again. I let myself wallow in it today, Stupid August 30th.
As the day goes on, that feeling will lighten a little again. I will find a way to honor Ed today, like I do with Mom and her cheeseburgers. Dad didn’t really have those little quirky things like Mary Jane did. But he did like to go out for a treat, usually ice cream. So Baskin and Robbins may be in my future tonight. It’s that or drink some scotch, which may not be the best way to go.
He was a great guy. He had a sense of humor and a great laugh that went with it. He had a mischievous way about him, from the time he was a little kid all the way up to when he passed. He loved to golf, although I don’t know how good he was, he sure gave it a good go a lot of times! He worked hard to support his family, I still meet people that were clients or colleagues and they speak so highly of him my heart soars with pride. Ed was my absolute hero, if you didn’t notice.
I will get through this rotten day. These anniversaries are just something I have learned to do each year as I don’t have much choice in it. But I try to take the opportunity each year to make this plea: Take pictures and be in pictures with the people you love. I hardly have any pictures with Dad, or my mom or stepmom either. And it hurts on days like today when I want to see that smile. So do not worry about how you look, what you’re wearing. Get in that picture. Your loved ones just want that memory, they love you how you are. I have missed 29 years of opportunities with Ed, and I would hate for any of you to ever feel that.
Love and hugs to you. They say you never stop grieving the loss of a loved one but the way the grief hits you changes. Some days it may be a gentle reminder and some days it’s like a crushing wave. On those days, remember all your people who love you that will help keep your head above water. Sending love and light to you ❤
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