Things have changed so much in 3 weeks, I kind of don’t even know what’s what here. I had a job, got “laid off” from that job, then found a “temporary” job and a few days later lost my regular job permanently. I started the temporary job, now I hope it can become a permanent job, but I just have to work through it and see what happens. The important thing is that I do not have to rely on unemployment to try to carry through, and once all of this clears, I can get a new job, if needed, as I have had several people reach out and say if I need a gig, they may need me. It just stinks not knowing where things will be a month from now, but you all get that, I am sure.
I am not the best at this quarantine thing. I am out every day so far. Working, as it has been made clear that people like me are essential. I just stick to the work then home thing, but I don’t feel like it is as tough for me as it is for so many others that are doing it, staying home. I live alone, with Zelda the Whack Job Dog, so I am not potentially contaminating anyone when I do return home, and Zelda is not about to start socially distancing herself from me, thank goodness! But even on days off, I have gone grocery shopping, to the bank (drive through only, that’s all they have now) and even though that is about it, I am still not quite hunkered down.
I miss the gym, terribly. That has been the worst thing. I miss my people there, I miss the structure and routine of it. And even though the new job is active, physical and beats me up, it is not the same as the designed workouts. I have done a few of the online camps my FIRE is doing every day, but Zelda is pretty sure I am in danger during them, and she will save me. So they are not as effective as I would hope. So while I haven’t exactly gained weight back, things aren’t as firm as they were, so I need to get back. This is the thing that scares me the most.
On that note, I am not eating as great as I should, or had been. I have quarantine snacks. I may well be the main purchaser of Dot’s Pretzels in the Midwest. The Heroin of pretzels, as it were. Highly addictive, and delicious. I have not eaten all of them, but they are here. Also, I have been eating my own cooking for 3 weeks now. I pack a lunch for the new job every day. I can cook, but I don’t like to do it all the time. And we know what that leads to: Dishes. Lots and lots of dishes. I don’t have a dishwasher, I am the dishwasher. Even if I use the grill, paper plates and drink out of a can or bottle, I end up with 40 dishes for the day. What the hell? I miss working in a restaurant, where I could eat something someone else cooked for me, and I could drop my dishes off by Roberto, who always smiled and thanked me. It’s not fair.
I miss people. I am lucky that everyone in town apparently shops at Costco. I have seen people I know every day. But it isn’t the same. I want to be around people, for more than a 3 minute transaction. (I don’t seem to know any of the people that overload their carts with every grocery item we have.) But I think everyone feels this way. We miss the little interactions we didn’t even notice prior to all of this. The gas station guy, the drive through bank people, the crossing guard at the grade school I waved to every day on my way home from the gym. I miss hugs. I worked with Hispanic people for 10 years. We hugged everybody everyday multiple times. It’s a whole thing. I am worried about them, and me, we are huggers. And proud of it.
As we don’t know how long this will go on, bouts of depression and despair are bound to happen. This little rant is a part of working through that for me, but I know a lot of you are going through it too. I guess I just miss knowing what my life was. It wasn’t this glorious thing, but it was mine. I knew what each day was likely to bring. I have none of that now except knowing that Zelda is nuts. And I have that, which is great. I hope you have something that is being the constant for you, getting you from yesterday to today, and that today will get you to tomorrow. Hang in there. Please. When all of this is over, I welcome you to come help me with dishes.