I have been working on myself, physically, for a few years now. Lots of ups and downs come along with that. Hills and valleys, you know? And this time it has been better, since I found my FIRE Family and a place I feel gets me and I get it. What has piggy backed along with that is a more positive attitude. I never saw it coming, it just came along for the ride before I even knew what was going on. That may have been the best way for it to go. I can still crab and complain with the best of them, but it just doesn’t seem to happen as often anymore.
I have turned into the person that shares all the positive and inspirational stuff on the Facebook. I like that, and I share the things that speak to me. I want people to feel like they deserve more. More of what? I don’t know, but I do know that a lot of people settle in life. In relationships, jobs, living in a place that isn’t “home.” That hurts my heart, especially the relationship one. All I can figure is that somewhere along the line, they just gave up, or got convinced it’s all there is. This is as good as it gets, and it’s better than nothing, so let’s spend a miserable existence together. I almost did that a few times, and thank God the guys were complete and utter morons and I got out of it with a beat up heart, but those can heal. It may take a while, but it gets better and that clears up your vision a lot too.
Inside that gym, there is so much positive energy. So much support, that you can’t help but get caught up in it. I have been there over 2 years now, and I am getting close to signing a contract for 2 more years. I want that energy, I need it now. The couple of months that the ‘Rona had everything shut down was just awful for me. I live alone, so the isolation of being away from the gym, away from my job of ten years, and not being socially active took a toll. I was working, at Costco, and there was a pretty decent socially active thing for me, it seems I know everyone that shops there, so I didn’t have it as bad as a lot of people, but it was still rough. I was able to keep a sort of positive vibe going, but it was a struggle. Talking to a lot of people, I know everyone seemed to feel it, and some still are. Just being able to be in that place, able to sweat and swear with my FIRE Family has been the tonic I needed.
How can a place mean so much? It isn’t the place, but the people you are surrounded with that lift you up. The new job is turning into a positive place for me too, now that I kind of know what I am doing. Kind of. This is a lot different than getting to know your co-workers in a restaurant. We aren’t surrounded by booze and food all day. Just the food. But in the 2 months, I am getting to know the cool kids, and that helps me feel more positive, about myself and them. So it can spread, the good vibes. Give the good feelings, get the good feelings. It is no coincidence that my job and gym are owned by some seriously positive and uplifting people. There’s a whole separate blog post about them, and I am thankful beyond words that I have them in my life now.
Something clicked, I don’t really know when it happened. But I feel better in my head and heart than I had in years, maybe ever. There is a lot of baggage I carry from my childhood, and my 20s and 30s. Everyone does that, some bags are just heavier than others. But I am learning to set them down, not drag them around everywhere I go and showing them to everyone I meet. A conversation I had with someone yesterday really cemented that. She and I have some matching luggage, so we compared notes a little, and I set it down. I felt lighter after that. She and I don’t have to carry that around when we are together any more. We can talk about it, but it isn’t weighing me down.
Positive emotions. I am craving them nowadays. Being negative all the time is just too big of a burden. So when you see me rifle off a lot of positive memes, or share something good, you can see my growth happening. I see it with some other friends, and it lifts my soul right up. I have been “snoozing” a lot of the Negative Nellies lately. The peace is amazing. I know this pandemic has people in a serious twist. Somehow some people come across so negative you can almost taste it, and it’s bitter. I can’t have that make a circle around me, or it may close in. I don’t want that for anyone else either. I try to put out the good now, the things that help you breathe a little easier. I hope you are all feeling it, seeing it, and I hope you know it is coming from somewhere that feels very real to me, for the first time. Being in a happier, healthier place is carrying me through, and I can bring you along if you can summon that positive place in your heart too.
Look for the good. Try to see a light in a dark corner. When someone else lost their smile, give them one of yours. You are strong enough that you can lift a heavy burden from someone you love. You don’t have to be sunshine and daisies every minute of the day, but set aside a little time for yourself to look at your positives in life. You have them, flip a switch in your heart, and the light will shine right on it. And if you need a lift, come find me, in person or somewhere on the interwebs… I am here for you, I promise.