I am just devastated today. I was on my lunch at work, and it was quiet around the office today. Eating alone in the breakroom, scrolling the Facebook, a friend posted a link saying Betty White had died. No! But I didn’t see it anywhere else, no one else had posted. I googled news sites, nothing there yet, but then the TMZ link popped up, and People, and the ET one. All of them said it. It was just breaking. Then the news notifications popped in, and there it was. Our Golden Girl was really gone.

The resurgence of Betty White’s career about 11 years ago was fantastic. She had that Snickers Super Bowl Commercial, and she was rediscovered by a lot of people, young people found out who she was, and it was good for all of us. There are a lot of us who are old enough to remember her smaller role on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” in the 70s. She was a fantastic, man chasing tart, Sue Ann Nivens. The Happy Home Maker, making the moves on Lou Grant any chance she got. She made the rounds on game shows, like Match Game, and then came the “Golden Girls.” That show was so awesome, I remember watching it with my stepmom, and as I am getting a little older, it is a life goal to have that kind of set up when it’s retirement time. Then came the show “Hot in Cleveland,” she was fantastic, as Elka, in her velour track suits. That show flew a little under the radar, but I loved it and watched it regularly, for Betty White.

Her career was long and fabulous. Her life is so well documented, and the tributes that keep rolling in really show what she meant to Hollywood, and the whole entertainment industry. We all hoped she was going to make it to 100 in a few weeks. That was all for us though. If she was tired, and it was time, it’s best that she went now. But it just sucks. You just want a soul like hers to stick around forever. And it will, we have her shows, movies and interviews and more to look at when we miss her.

I always looked at Betty White as a woman who makes it ok to be me. She had been married, 3 times actually, but her third marriage was the last one for her. Her husband Allen Ludden, died back in 1981. I remember that, I was about 11. I had remembered them on game shows, and talk shows. When he died, she never remarried. She stayed single the rest of her life, 40 years. She never had children of her own, by her choice. She worked, stayed active and relevant, and was a strong and independent woman. Maybe I might not stay single forever, that remains to be seen, but the rest of it seems pretty good, if Betty can do it all, I can too.

I get it, you know. She didn’t want to start a new year with us if she couldn’t be here to finish it out. Passing on New Year’s Eve is sort of the way to go out if you are as iconic as Betty White. She was a friend to animals, a star to us, and a woman none of us can ever forget. I was so happy that a young generation embraced her like they did. I hope all the young people go back and find her old stuff, and they laugh and laugh. At 99, she outlived a lot of her former co-stars and friends. Her comedic timing was fantastic, and she stole every scene she was in. I love the memes going around of her with the other Golden Girls, saying that they are sharing some cheesecake. If that ain’t heaven, I don’t want to go. Rest well, Ms. White. Thank you for being sweet, sassy, funny, and larger than life. Thank you for being independent, and showing young women strong characters that were fantastic women, with or without a man. Thanks for sticking around so long.

When the holidays approach, for some people it is tough to catch the spirit of all of it. I myself don’t like Christmas music forced on me too early, like prior to Thanksgiving for me. Then, I can handle it, as it is going to be everywhere anyway, but I prefer when it gets sprinkled in with regular music. But we are going to hear it in stores and restaurants anyway, so I just do what I can to tune it out, and move ahead. But it does help set the mood, and there are a few of them I do just love.

Christmas movies are what can help me get the holiday mood cranked up. We all have our favorites. The Hallmark holiday movie thing isn’t my jam, but I know people who have been watching those since September. I am more of a funny Christmas movie person, and there are plenty of those to choose from as well. Also, the movies that maybe aren’t traditional Christmas movies but are widely considered to be holiday necessities, and we all know I am talking about Die Hard.

I accept Die Hard as a Christmas movie. It is set at a Christmas party, and that is good enough for me. I get that it isn’t all warm and cuddly, they aren’t picking out a tree or making hot cocoa. But Hans Gruber is a Grinch, and that is all I have to say about it. If you are someone that thinks it isn’t a Christmas movie, I am not going to convince you otherwise, and I can’t waste my time explaining it, it just is, OK?

There are so many good movies for the holidays. I will say that I have no recollection of “A Christmas Story” coming out in 1983. When it started getting played for 24 hours on TBS on Christmas was when I first really knew of it. They play it for 24 hours, which is 12 times in a row. You can catch a little, go open some presents, eat some food, nap, and still get back to it in time to see Ralphie kick the snot out of Scut Farkus, because it’s gonna keep happening. Over the years this has really become a holiday tradition. I just watched it last night. I will likely see it again before we hit the serious stretch of Christmas.

I remember going to see “Elf” in the theater with my friend Cari. We weren’t real sure what to expect, we just both like Will Farrell. What we found was a wonderful and silly movie that is worth watching over and over again. It is just so funny. I don’t know if I know of anyone who has seen it that didn’t just love it. We were talking about it at work the other day, and we just giggled and laughed, and everyone was in a happy way just thinking about it! We decorated our office door, and made little Buddy pictures but with our faces on them as part of the design. It’s been a huge hit. So that is definitely one of my most favorite Christmas movies.

My favorite of favorites is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I don’t have to explain a lot of why, it is such a fantastic movie, and I cry every time, even though I know how it all goes. It’s a classic, and if you happen to be a person who hasn’t seen it, you can find it somewhere. I recommend it, highly. It gets a little long, but to get the big picture of the whole thing it is worth the time. I think we all have a little George Bailey in us at times, we get frustrated with the things we want but just can’t reach because real life gets in the way. We have all been sidelined by obligations and sometimes feel like we aren’t important or contributing in life. Like we don’t make a difference. The movie takes a look at what would have happened if George had never been born. He gets to see what life would have been like had he not been there. You may think you don’t impact the lives of others, but you do, and most of the time it is in a wonderful way. All the little things add up, and this movie shows it, in a very basic, feel good way. I get all teary eyed just thinking about it. EFWB.

The weather is cold, it’s dark most of the day. It’s the time of hibernation, and we all just want to be in our jammies anyway. Sit back, relax and find the holiday movie that puts you in that right frame of mind. Whether it’s the young business executive returning home for the holidays only to fall in love with the tree lot sales guy she went to high school with but ignored for 4 years, or it’s John McCLane and his bloody feet watching Hans Gruber fall from the Nakatomi Tower, watch what you love with someone you love. Even if it’s just your dog, spending that time to get yourself right with the Holiday Spirit is worth every minute. The Hustle and Bustle of the holidays will be there, but Buddy the Elf wants to know your favorite color right now, and that is worth taking time to think about. Happy Holidays!

I had another birthday the other day. That’s 52 of them so far. It’s not a bad number, just one that I am not used to seeing just yet. I consider it still my early 50s, but each year the transitional days of adapting to the new number makes it weird. There are 52 cards in a deck of cards, so that’s how I will make it relatable for the next few days.

Being on the Facebook on your birthday makes it an overwhelming day, in a good way. I had nearly 300 people write a birthday greeting on the actual day. Then people who didn’t see the notification will jump on to a common friend’s message, so it multiplies quickly. In 52 years I have had occasion to meet many people, through my restaurant years especially. It’s pretty cool to hear from those people, and it gives me a little smile knowing I either got them drunk or have been drunk with many of them at one point or another. Either way, it makes the day very enjoyable, and it’s fun to reminisce.

Of course I think of my parents on the birthday. Their early participation makes it all possible now. I haven’t had a celebration with them in so many years, and it makes for few misty moments in a day, I miss them, and I hate they missed so many years of who I and my sibling have grown into. But to Mary Jane and Ed, thanks for getting me here, 52!! Yipee!!

I have taken it pretty easy this weekend. I don’t feel that need to be out partying through the birthday quite like I once upon a time did. A few beers with friends, way too many sweets, and some laughs and memories made it a great couple of days. More than anything, I hung out with Zelda, which was great. She could care less that I am getting older, as long as the food and treats keep coming. Even the NFL has made my birthday weekend more relaxing by giving Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Jones, Rashan Gary and me our birthday weekend off of football. The Packers with a bye on my birthday week is a little disconcerting, there is always a game, but also a stress free celebration of my day might be a nice thing. But they better not do it again next year.

I don’t mind the getting older thing. Truly, it is a gift to continue on in life. I would never lie about my age, as my siblings would likely call me out on it anyway. But it is fun to tell people my age and have them in disbelief. I think I am doing ok on the aging thing, special shout out to BFF Amy for keeping my hair in a non-grey stage for more than 30 years now. We are gonna go with that for a while. Better living through chemicals, right? I will keep moving ahead with a smile, and in reasonably good health, hopefully. The little aches and pains of age pop up now and again, people will tell you that is just a part of it. My eyesight is right on track with bifocals and stuff, and my AARP card is around here somewhere. I am happy to tack on another year, and I am happy there is so much out there for me yet. While I am getting older, I refuse to get old, think old or be old in this moment in time. My moments in time.

I just love dogs. I do. I have worked the algorithms to the point where I see more dog things than I do people things, and I am a happier social media person because of it. I follow several dog pages, and I want to meet every one of the dogs I see. They are just happy creatures, they like food at all times, and they just make things better.

Of course, my girl Zelda is my favorite, even when she makes me crazy. But when she is in the mood to snuggle, she is the best and I just love her. She is a very protective dog, and I have to keep an eye on her when we go on walks. She can be mean, but if she loves you, she will give you a butt wiggle and let you love her right back. I have said many times how she rescued me just as much as I did her, and we are a pair, that’s for sure.

My sister currently has 3 dogs. I was down to visit on Thanksgiving. She has Bo, Wally and Patti, and they are some interesting doggos too. Bo usually won’t give me the time of day. Wally was a hand-me-down dog, they took him in when a neighbor wasn’t able to keep him. He is a load, and he will bark his butt off at you, but his love can be bought with cheese. Patti is new to the gang, I haven’t quite figured her out yet, I will report back. I snuck Bo a few green beans and some turkey on Thursday, so now he has acknowledged my existence and we are BFFs. Until next time, likely, but that’s ok. As much as I love seeing my family, it’s the dogs that keep things moving, and I was delighted to have lots of dog love on Thanksgiving.

They have such personalities, and they are all very much alike and yet so different. Having a dog is fantastic, and a pain in the ass all at the same time. They absolutely depend on us, but I would be lost without my spaz. They are expensive to have around, but I would just waste that money on something stupid anyway, so I might as well spend it on Zelda. It’s a love that comes back to you immediately, and it’s just awesome. We only get them for a short time in life, but those years are worth it. For people that can’t commit to an animal in their lives, I understand. I went for years wanting a dog, but not having one because I knew how unfair my lifestyle was at the time for a pet. If you can’t give the time, it’s just better to not do it. But the day I decided I was ready was the best day because I met my Zelda.

If you love the doggos, and you are on the social media, a couple of good pages to follow are We Rate Dogs, I’ve Pet That Dog and Thoughts of Dog. Recently, We Rate Dogs has been using their popularity for good things, like helping out dogs that need medical things. They will share a dog’s Go Fund Me page, and people will donate and fund things in record time. They just started another page, 15 Out of 10 (Their highest rating for hero dogs) that will raise funds for dogs too. But following these pages has helped keep a lot of negative stuff out of my news feed, and I get to look at dogs all day long. Follow them if you love the doggies too.

I do understand that not everyone is a dog person, and that is ok. The cat people of the world must have pages and stuff too, I am just not well versed in what those are. Whatever your choice of pet might be, I know that the love is real, and that there is someone else that would love to hear about your turtle, fish or bird. There are many creatures on our little planet, we share space with them and we all balance things out for each other. Love those pets, and take good care of each other!

Apparently, my internet was down at home. For like a month. I hadn’t really noticed, I have been fairly busy with the life recently. I hadn’t even opened my laptop for about a month because it’s getting older, slower and dumb. I am on a computer all day at work these days, so cruising the internet didn’t seem too appealing when I get home at night. Throw a few socially busy weekends in and I had no clue. I was looking at my phone the other night and noticed it wasn’t using the wi-fi so I actually looked at my router, which was blinking weird colors. Huh. I had been off the grid. Normally I advocate for that, but I do pay for the internet, so I should have it available.

All better today, the nice guy came over and replaced the original router I have had since I moved in all those years ago, and I am back on it. He didn’t use techie words I don’t understand, and he got me back online. All is well. But it’s funny I hadn’t noticed. He said he ran some diagnostic thing before he came, and he said it was down a month, easily. I felt really cool. But I don’t stream stuff, or play games online so I didn’t notice. Old lady. I just have to laugh.

But that is not the only way I am back on the grid. I am officially a property owning individual now. I bought my house, 2 weeks ago, and now I am firmly and permanently on the grid. I am going to start complaining about property taxes, assessments, easements, all of it. I will be going to my cousin Dan on how to correctly hassle and criticize local officials, and I will likely be on a neighborhood committee before long. I am legit. I am for real. I am in debt. It feels pretty good.

I never thought I would get here, truly. My credit and finances were a hot mess about 12 years ago. I spent everything I made, mostly foolishly. I didn’t have it together, even a little bit. When I moved into this house, which my cousin Jane generously offered to rent to me, I had to figure things out a little bit better. Budget a bit, and I slowly started the process of making my credit situation better. It is a slow, painstaking process. But I found a way, I got a Kohl’s card, and paid it off every time I used it. Built it slow and steady. Eventually things got better, and I had better cards, paid off old things that were hanging out there yet from my dumber years. I wasn’t drinking and partying away my paychecks anymore, and I knew where money came in and where it went.

When I bought my current car, the Rav4, I did it on a little bit of a whim. I had the Saturn for a long time, a tree had landed on it, but it was ok. I drove it a few months and drove by car lots longing for a car not abused by a large maple tree. One day I stopped, asked a few questions, drove a car or two, and let them run my credit. I qualified for the best rate they give you on a deal like that. I went to my credit union to see if I could swing it, they ran a few numbers and told me they could not beat that rate, that if I really wanted that car, I should go for it, and go with the financing they offered me. It felt good to get that offered to me, and to be told that a lot of people don’t qualify for the rate I got. I have had the Rav4 for 2+ years, and I love it, no regrets.

I walked around with Zelda the past couple of years, looking at houses and always had that thought in the back of my head that I could never buy a house. I couldn’t swing it, I was just sure of it. I was going to just rent, and that is cool. Then, in April, my cousin let me know she was ready to sell the house, and if I was interested she wouldn’t list it, we could just work it out between us, no realtors or stuff, save both of us a little money. I was nervous about it, but I gathered up the laundry list of stuff you need to get pre-approved, and wandered into my credit union, and got pre-approved! I felt amazed, and so very proud of myself. I had fought back, I had made it to a place where I am considered a good risk to the credit issuers of the world!!

It took us a few months, neither my cousin or I move at warp speed for things, but after some paperwork, lots of signatures, and scraping together the down payment stuff, on November 5th I walked into the Title Company, and bought my little house. It was a little anti-climatic because I have lived here for years, but I didn’t have to pack or unpack a damn thing! I am an independent woman, and I am now a homeowner!! Don’t get me wrong, that mortgage stuff is scary! But it happened, and I am sure I can make it all work, I got this far, and I can get farther. Just shy of my 52nd birthday, I feel like an actual adult.

When I called for service for the internet, they ask a bunch of questions about availability, and stuff like that. And they asked me if I rent the property or if I am the homeowner. For the first time ever, I answered Home Owner. If felt amazing. I am on the grid people, and I am super ok with it!!

It’s been a long time coming, but I finally get to see the Rolling Stones tomorrow night, with some of my siblings, in Minneapolis. The only thing that stinks about it is the venue. They are playing at the Vikings’ stadium, which is terrible acoustically and it is all draped in weirdo purple Vikings crap. At least we won’t have to waste any time trying to tour their trophy room.

By the time I noticed the Rolling Stones, they had been around for years. It was probably the album “Some Girls” in 1978 that I first really recall hearing some of their music, I was about 8. I had 3 older brothers listening to music, and I listened to the radio a lot with Mom, so I remember songs from that album. Then I recall liking songs from “Emotional Rescue” and “Tattoo You” as well. But by the early 80s I was really busy falling in love with Rick Springfield, and a few other bands with all the hotties in them, Duran Duran, etc.. I didn’t have time for wrinkly old Rolling Stones, but their music was always around somewhere, catching my ear.

My dad was no fan of popular music, he was rather stubborn about it and shook his head at stuff we listened to and would begrudge us a little radio time on car rides, but he listened to crap like talk radio or Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass on 8-tracks. He didn’t know. But he did say he liked the Rolling Stones. I was sure it was because they were all old guys like him. He was funny, but he didn’t really hate our music as much as he tried to make us believe, but he just had his particular things he preferred. But we could agree on the Stones, although he didn’t really like them enough to buy any of their music, that I am aware of.

I remember wanting to go see the Stones for their “Steel Wheels” tour, but none of my friends were interested, and I wasn’t pushing the issue much, I just thought it would be cool. So they came and went, I didn’t go, but they kept making their way around the world. Steel Wheels was in 1989, and I am sure people thought they would be hanging it up soon anyway, I mean Keith Richards could not possibly go on like he was. He had looked like he had died in 1985 and nobody had the heart to tell him. I just figured I had missed the chance, and I would catch them on the radio or something.

That was 32 years ago. I hate that kind of math. But, after many years, and a pandemic postponed tour, it’s finally my time. Charlie Watts didn’t make it to see me. That makes me a little sad, but it makes it all the more important to see them now. As it turns out, Keith didn’t die in the 80s, he kept rocking, and from some reports, he has nearly as much energy as Mick running around that stage. These guys have grandkids, great grandkids, and they are still rocking. They seem eternal. When you think that they have been together and touring longer than I have been alive, longer than any of my siblings have been around, since 1962 if Google is giving me correct information. That’s amazing. When you look at all of the bands that have come and gone in those nearly 60 years, how many artists flamed out early due to the heavy toll the rock and roll lifestyle takes on them, the Stones’ tenure is unbelievable.

It’s kind of the last check mark on my list of bands I wanted to catch before they retire or die. I can’t think of any others that really stand out to me. It kind of all became a little more important to me to catch them after Tom Petty left this earth. I had seen him several times, but not since the early 2000s. I had wanted to catch him one more time, but time ran out. So I kind of came up with a list of performers to see, it wasn’t super long, but the artists were aging, and I am too, unfortunately! It’s quite a thing, to hear the music you love, from your whole life, being performed by the people who wrote it and sang it. It’s a high that is just hard to explain, and I am looking forward to it. I just wish it wasn’t in that Purple Palace of Shame. But alas, they are still here to play, who am I to complain about where it is?

I love me some Tom Petty, and that song is a classic. It’s also how things feel around here these days. Not just me, really, but a lot of people I know are going through some stuff. Break-ups, make ups, and all things in between. The universe is swirling something fierce right now. I have been in some deep thought about it all, and while not every bad thing is actually really bad, it starts as bad news. But the wind can change direction, and the bad things can turn themselves into something good.

Having a long term relationship, that is something I know so very little about, romantically speaking. But I have a lot of friends and family that do know, so I watch them for clues as to how that works. The thing is, it is a lot of work. Two people making a run at happiness takes both of them being invested. Lots of them start out that way, and somewhere along the way someone gets off course. So it can deteriorate. I have seen a lot of that lately, and I recently learned of quite a few marriages that ended or are ending. I don’t know a lot of details, and they aren’t my stories to tell, but if it came to that end, I know it didn’t come easy and it likely didn’t happen overnight. It’s one of those things that happen in life. I look at divorce very differently now than when I was a little younger. It is sad for the couple, of course, because nobody gets married with the ultimate goal of splitting up. But it does happen, and it isn’t my place to look at the couple and judge their breakup. I just hope they both get to a better place if together isn’t the place anymore.

I am so over reading stories about people fighting over masks. Over it. I have maintained all along that if a place wants me to wear one for the sake of others, I will do it and while I don’t love it, it is a small thing for a short time. It feels like the whole damn world has gone psycho over this. Nobody likes the masks, we get it. But, the second you berate anyone over it, in a store, restaurant, school board meeting, city council meeting or anywhere, you lose credibility as a human being. These people on flights? OMG. When you buy the ticket, it says you have to mask. You get to the airport, there are signs. You get on the plane, they mention it repeatedly. If you then take your mask down or off, and they let you know to put it back on, just do it. Don’t fight them. You will lose. You throw a fit? Now you and everyone else on that plane is going to be on the Tik Tok, YouTube, the news and everywhere else, and you are the douchebag who ruined the flight, vacation and everything else you paid for, because you are getting kicked off the plane, detained and probably are going to have to take a bus back to wherever you came from, and have to wear a mask on the bus. These people are just making all of this so much worse than it has to be. I won’t preach to you about getting vaccinated, but I will tell you that you are an a-hole if you mention to the 16 year old cashier that she doesn’t need that f-ing mask. Get over it.

I have been out to restaurants a few times recently, and they were short staffed. With my background of the restaurant industry, I can tell you assuredly that most places know how to run short staffed, because they have always run short. However, while running one or two short on a shift is doable, but when you are down more than that it sucks. It sucks so bad. It calls for a lot of teamwork, and a ton of patience on everyone’s part, including the guests. Food can only cook so fast, there is only so much space on a grill, and dirty dishes cannot wash themselves. People multitask, a server with 2 extra seconds will run a load of dishes through, and the hostess will bus 3 tables while she greets tables. People who stand and wait, shifting and sighing as loud as possible are not helping. They know you have been waiting, and they don’t want that anymore than you do. If you cannot be patient when you go out, please stay home. I can’t stress that enough. Everyone goes on and on about staffing shortages. We all know it’s a thing right now. Plan on it taking longer than normal to go out. Smile, say things like “take your time” and “I understand the wait.” Have a better attitude, and that will pass along to the server, the bartender, the busser, dishwasher and cooks. The service industry is is a free fall right now, and they are hanging on by a very thin thread. Don’t be the reason someone snaps and walks out on a shift. I will always stand on the side of the hospitality industry, and anyone that complains about it to me will have it fall on deaf ears.

I hope you are doing ok. I hope the anxiety of everything is not rising too fast. I have a few friends that are feeling it right now. I want to hug all of you and say things will be alright. I believe it most days, but I do feel it too at times. I have tried hard recently to only worry about what is right in front of me, not things that may happen tomorrow, next week or next year, but that is tough. I have been meditating more in the past year, and for me it helps a lot. Taking a few minutes each day to breathe through it all, slow down a little even if it is only a short time. It isn’t for everyone, but I found it and it makes me deal with my stresses a little better. Find your thing, something that calms you. For some people prayer is the thing, for others just turning off the noise works. Listening to music, writing things down in a journal, or walking the dog. Whatever it takes for you to focus on yourself versus all the things that shift your attention away from you. Back to my old friend Tom Petty, who sang “Most of the things I worry about never happen anyway.” And it’s true. Bad things can happen, but most of what your mind tortures you with will never come to pass. Take care of yourself, and please know this storm won’t last forever. We will find out feet were on the ground the whole time.

Some days I write these things more for myself than anyone else, and today might be one of those days.

Twenty years ago, I had moved in to my brother Pat’s house. I had been living alone, and he had a roommate that moved out, and he thought me moving in would be good, as he had the room, and so I did that. I was still living more of a party lifestyle, work at the restaurant all day, party at night, sleep in and repeat. Our paths didn’t seem to cross a lot, it was a decent arrangement.

That morning of September 11th, he woke me up early. I was like Oh Hell No, if he thinks he is going to be waking my ass up at 7am on a regular basis…. wait, what was that Pat? He said something was going on in New York, I had better get up and watch what was going on with him. The tone of his voice, really hit me. I got up and we stared at the live feed out of New York. Then we heard about the Pentagon. He had to leave for work, but I had a few hours until I had to go. I kept watching, stopped briefly to shower and get ready. I felt guilty taking the time, and the time to drive 10 minutes to work. We all did, as it turned out that day staring at the TV and waiting was all we could do that day. We went through the rest of the day in a fog. The rest of that week. The next who knows how many days were spent in disbelief and grief.

Twenty years gone by. It has gone fast, I was 31 then, I am 51 now. I watched a lot of stuff this week on 9/11. The documentary that Spike Lee did, about the 2 brothers, French guys, who were doing a documentary at one of the Fire Stations in New York, they were following a rookie fireman on his 90 day probation with the department. So they were very much in it that day, as they went out on a gas leak call that morning with the chief and some of the guys. The one brother was with them, the other was somewhere else, but the one with the Chief caught video of the first plane. That took my breath away. As I watched other shows this week, his footage was used in almost every single one. He was in the North Tower with the firemen. He caught things and it was amazing. It is like you are with them as you watch it. Unreal.

I watched interviews with survivors. There was one with that lady that was the last person found alive in the rubble. Again, just amazing listening to her story. I am in awe that people survived that. They talked in one show about the boat evacuations from Manhattan. That thousands and thousands of people hopped on ferries, fireboats, and even larger boats that just happened to be in the harbor that morning helped get people off the island. They interviewed people that were helping out, and they said an image that stuck with them were all the shoes that were left on shore, on the docks and all over. Women’s shoes, mostly as they couldn’t run or jump to the boats wearing them. I never knew those stories.

See, there is a lot we didn’t see and don’t know. I believe for years there will be more and more stories. We will hear stories of bravery, and surviving that will be told. I think how do you recover from seeing people jump 100+ stories to their deaths so they didn’t burn up in that building? How do you return to the Pentagon to work? How do you get on a plane as an employee of an airline, and feel like you can do your job?

I don’t know. I still feel apprehensive when I see a plane that flies sort of low or in a place it doesn’t seem like it should be. Any of us that can remember probably have little things that catch our attention. I never complain about TSA lines. How could I when they are just trying to assure one of those terrorists don’t get on a plane with me? The wait and the perceived inconvenience are worth it to me.

I had an emotional week watching it. My brain feels tired this week. Work was hectic and crazy, that added to it. Maybe I watched too many of these shows, but I don’t know if that is possible, considering I have lived 20 more years than anyone who died that day. I was not in the wrong place on that day. I witnessed it all from the safety of my home and place of work that day. We were all nervous and anxious, with that “what will happen next?” worry. But we ended up ok that day, shaken, but not broken.

They didn’t take as much from us that day as they had hoped. But they took plenty. Our collective confidence was certainly shook, and in some ways we still live with that. Lots of people are marking the day at ceremonies, or climbing stairs at Lambeau, or praying, reflecting or whatever feels right for them. I support that. For me, watching the shows, and reflecting on the day are my thing. It was a bright sunny day, so is today where I am. I honor that day, and all of those people who died in planes, buildings, rural fields, on the streets and anywhere else that saw that ugly display that day. I honor those that survived, but developed serious health and mental health issues. The babies that had to grow up without a parent because they had to go to work on a Tuesday morning. The ones that were born in the days and months after that day who never knew their dad. My 20 years have not been perfect, but I got to have them, so many people did not.

Be kind today, be patient today. Live your day in the best way you can. If you are able to pause and take a moment, do it. Be thoughtful and purposeful. 20 years is a long time to miss someone. 20 years is a long time to live having seen what we saw and felt. 20 years.

We move through life and hopefully make friends along the way. When you are a kiddo, a lot of those friends are the same gender as you, and it takes a long time but eventually your friend groups start to take on a male-female mix. That’s often where things get interesting, or awkward, depending on attractions and the urge to couple up. It’s all normal, it’s going to test the terms and strength of the relationships, but if you really are good friends, you can make it through. Forge ahead, get a great friend for life.

I was watching “The History of the Sitcom” for a little while last night on CNN before I went to bed. One episode was about the friend type of sitcoms, and how that group dynamic really is a strong part of the evolution of the sitcom. It covered shows like Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Golden Girls, Seinfeld, Cheers, Living Single, Friends, and that type of show. How your friends become your family, and maybe the family you didn’t really know you needed or how it even happened except for you all were in the same place at the same time. I enjoyed that, because that really is how it happens in life, your circumstances bring you in contact with strangers who become friends. It is usually mixed genders, and different backgrounds and somehow you end up needing each other.

In most of these shows, there is usually one or two central relationships that really bring out the love between the characters. Specifically, the Bromances. Lenny and Squiggy, Cliff and Norm, Jerry and George, Chandler and Joey, Howard and Raj. There are a ton of them. They are not always the main characters, but the show wouldn’t be worth watching without them. They end up in ridiculous situations, they bail each other out of jams at work, in relationships, with the other friends, and they just love each other without ever saying the words, because Bros just know. Man Love, in it’s most simple and pure form. It’s a celebration of friendships, but amped up to hilarious levels for the ratings.

We all know guys with massive man-love for their best friend. I know a ton of them. They usually will verbally abuse each other, question each other’s sexuality, belittle each other, but the second someone else jumps in, they will defend each other to the end! The relationship between the guys is almost always better than their relationships with their girlfriends or wives. (Women have friends like this too, but it’s just a little different for the guys.) Men just have a different approach to the best friend relationship, and it’s difficult to explain, but beautiful to see.

One of the saddest things is when the Bro-love ends. Not because of a fight or something, but because of death. Not to turn too morbid, but I have seen my share of guys who lost their best friend, and they are just lost. It happened when my dad died, his best friend Ben mourned as hard as we did, they knew each other their whole life. When my friend Marco died, his best friend was off the deep end for months. They grew up together, he had moved here because of Papi. He was lost, and I sometimes think he still is when I see him. It breaks my heart to see it when it happens, because that isn’t a relationship that is easily replaced. Men always seem to be able to makes friends with just about anyone, but to find your Bromance Brother is special, and not someone that can lift out and be filled in with just any old guy. You can date someone and break up, be with a new girl the next week, but you can not replace a Brother From Another Mother with just anyone.

Special friendships. They are awesome because unlike family, you have a little more say in who you let in. You can be super close with your family, but that best friend, you can’t beat it. So that is why I wanted to celebrate the Bromances today, because they are something special. I have my best girlfriend, I love her like a sister, and we have been friends for many years. But the love between male friends, real man love in the Bro-est of forms, is something to really behold. I think of the light in Papi’s eyes when he used to talk about his best friend, and it was love, pure love. My dad used to get such a twinkle in his eye talking about his friend Ben, no woman could ever hold that place in his heart. It’s that love that made Joey and Chandler the best relationship on Friends. Bro Love. Forever.