It is indeed booger season. Snot rules this time of year. It’s gross, but everyone is affected by it, so I feel it is ok to talk about it, sort of.

This came up this morning after my workout, with one of the coaches and another lady I work out with. Coach Lynn had busted out the disinfecting wipes to hit the high touching areas, doorknobs, things like that. So we talked a little about what people do to not get overly grossed out this time of year. This may make me sound like an icky person, but I just don’t really sweat that kind of stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I wash my hands often because I touch all kinds of nasty things at work, but I don’t carry hand sanitizer around with me and I mock people that do. I accept that there are germs everywhere. Some are harmful, some are not. Bacteria is a thing we all come in contact with every single day.

I don’t get sick very often. (Knocking on wood over here, now that I put it out there some giant illness will hit me soon, I am sure.) I credit that to working with the public, and with alcohol. I am exposed to a lot of different stuff every day. I work with booze so that will kill a little just by having it on my hands. I ran this theory by my doctor, and she said she has heard weirder things, so she didn’t dismiss it, which in my world makes it legit. But what it boils down to is exposure, it makes my immune system work a little harder to protect me because it never knows what is coming next. So get away from me with your Bath and Body Works Hand Sanitizer that smells like a cheap hooker on spring break. That crap isn’t helping you and it is making me gag.

Yes, wash your hands. You touched all kind of stuff on the way into the restaurant. Everything in your vehicle, the door handle, the chairs, the menu, the silverware wrap, the glass I touched to bring your drink, and on and on. So what thing was the worst? Probably when you reached into your purse with the wadded up snot rag inside to get out your Purell. Take it easy, you’re going to come in contact with a germ here or there.

We also talked about kids. We all know that they are little petri dishes. If you send them out in the world, they are going to come home with boogers or something on them. We all went to school with the kid that couldn’t keep his finger out of his nose. And what I want to say about that is that most people are good about teaching their kids some basic hygiene. But some people are not. Teach your kids to be kind to the ones who aren’t getting that at home. Help them out a little bit. I was one of those kids who didn’t get enough hygiene talk at home. God bless my mom, I am sure she wanted to, but her mental illness episodes came at some pretty crucial moments in my youth. My 3 older brothers had some knowledge, but they weren’t in a position to help a girl out with that stuff. I very thankfully had some friends with some wonderful moms who helped me out. They knew my home situation, and did what they could to teach me things without overstepping and without making me feel bad. Angels come to you throughout your life, you just don’t always see them that way until later on.

Like wrapping up those boogers in a Kleenex, I am going to bring this around too. During the holiday season you are going to get hugged, kissed and perhaps sneezed or coughed upon. You will survive all of it. They don’t mean to snot all over you, it is out of love they wiped their nose on your sleeve. But if you are sick, stay home and rest. Take care of yourself, because you are your own best asset. Wash your hands, but don’t freak out about every little germ. If you relax and enjoy your time with family and friends, you won’t care about who left a half-eaten cracker on the counter with the cookies. Spritz a little bourbon on it, or you, and all is well!

Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas!! If Hanukkah is your jam, as it begins Sunday at sundown, I wish you a very happy one of those too. 8 days and nights of celebrating is taking it to a level I can only dream of. Take the time to enjoy, reflect and circle yourself in all of the love and boogers!!

I haven’t been writing much, it’s been a busy-ish week, and focusing on one topic is tough sometimes. Let’s see where some random thoughts take us.

Work has been pretty good as of late. It’s the holiday season, so people are getting very generous. I am in a group on the Facebook of service industry people. Mostly it is a bunch of people from the Denver area, a friend of mine that lives out there added me in. What I gather is that most of these people are a bit younger than me, like mid 20s probably, and they are crabby! A lot of complaining about tips and their management. We all complain about tips, it is in every employee manual that restaurants have. (winks) But I read all of their stuff, and sometime comment. I relayed a story from yesterday, of a table of four I had and have served before. They are pleasant enough, polite, not overly needy, but they are cheap. Usually a 5% tip would be a lot. Yesterday in a fit of holiday benevolence I turned the charm up an extra notch. At the end, their bill was just under $70, and they left me $7, a 10% tip. That would normally tick me off, but knowing what it usually is, I was very pleased. Sometimes it isn’t the actual money, but the spirit of the experience.

Speaking of holidays, they sure are getting close. I am starting to sense the panic in some of the people. I am a last minute person as I have mentioned before. So I am doing ok yet, but there is a small hum, a buzz, I am getting from some of the population about their shopping. I say this: Relax. It will all get done, it always does. You can feel the panic inside, but don’t let anyone know it is there. That is how they get you, and next thing you know you will be buying a fragrance set in the checkout line at TJ Maxx. Believe me, nobody wants that. Put it down. Take a deep breath, not of the fragrance set, and get centered. If that doesn’t work, I am nearby with a nice cold adult beverage for you. I will talk you off the ledge.

Only because everyone seems to be ticked off about it will I mention this one. The Time Person of the Year thing. How big of a deal is this, really? Every year they name someone. There isn’t much that goes with it, a write up in a magazine that you don’t look at any other week of the year. Sure it is an honor to be recognized, it puts your name out there in the spotlight for a few days. They are looking to sell advertising, and they want to stay relevant in a digital age where people do not buy magazines off the newsstand anymore. They need to start a conversation. They have done that. The Twitter king got riled up, but he always does, and said something that sounded like he is picking on a 16 year old girl. That is how I interpreted it, but I am not going to overly engage people on it, because why? He will have a whole slew of Twitter tantrums and I will shake my head at them as well, and move on. In 2 weeks nobody will be talking about the Time POTY until they name the next one next year. Relax. And keep this in mind while we are at it: Yes, Gary Sinise does wonderful things, but he doesn’t do them to be the POTY, he does them because he is good man. We don’t get to vote on Time’s choice, if we did he would win every year.

And for one last thing, on the morning of the Packers vs Bears 200th meeting, I give you this. GO PACK GO!! And this: The Bears Still Suck. That is all, carry on with your day, your holiday prep, and do your best to be a good person, every day. Everything else will fall into place.

I work near a mall, and in a very heavy retail area. So this time of year I get a lot of weary Christmas shoppers and I love talking to them about their trials and tribulations of trying to get ready for their holidays. Good times, really.

One of my favorites is the people who stop for a drink or two before they start shopping. They have lists, and are very obvious in their plotting and planning. They are gonna get it done, all in one day. Sure. I usually see them again a couple of hours later. But they do usually get it done, and it is a celebratory mood when they come back. The ones who don’t get it done are in the “screw it” mode and are already cruising Amazon as they order a really big margarita. These are my people, the ones I identify with the most.

The people who shop first then come to the restaurant usually have a glazed over look about them. They have seen the worst of holiday shopping and need me to help them heal. They are fun too, and I let them vent about it, and I encourage them in case they need to go out there again. It’s more like therapy at this point. They need me. They need alcohol and likely some queso and chips. All very soothing, really. I am here for you, it will all be ok, I promise.

This is a thing we have all seen. The Overachievers who are all done with their shopping and everything is wrapped. What is that? There are still 15 days to go, who are you? They just go out in public to gloat. They are usually accompanied by a very frazzled friend who will not ever be done with their shopping. And the frazzled friend hates them. But she needed someone to help her with the second cart at Walmart and the Overachiever has all the time in the world to help because she frosted all her cookies weeks ago. We hate these people. Regular people do not like you. I hope you know that. You probably listen to Christmas music in June. Go away.

Men that have no idea what they are buying and are running out of time. They won’t be out in force for a week or so yet. They are great customers for me. Because they don’t really want to go out and do it anyway, they are easily swayed into staying and drinking longer. And they will recruit their friends. Start with one of two, and soon you have a group, they’re jagged and also checking Amazon frequently. We have free wi-fi for a reason, you know?

I hope your holiday prep is going the way you want it to. I am not really there yet, and that is ok. I relish being a last minute person. I always say, Christmas will come whether I am ready or not, so I am not going to stress about it. When you do go out, remember there are friendly bartenders who are willing to help you. Not with your shopping, but with your prep or recovery of shopping. We are here. No worries.

Merry Christmas my people. And every holiday you have in the next few weeks will be good, please don’t worry. Have some fun, and take a minute to take it all in and enjoy it, it goes by quick and you will have almost a year to recover.

This is not about me feeling old, now that I have crossed the 50 threshold. I am not going to harp on that anymore. It’s done, and now I just look for decent Early Bird Specials. If you know any, reach out. Wink wink.

I have a pretty fantastic family. I would never have admitted this a long time ago, but my brother Paul can be an ok guy, for such a dumbass. 15 years ago, give or take, he and his little family moved to Appleton for his job. The kids were little and when they came, they had a puppy that came with them, Rudy. He was a yellow lab, and a very good boy.

As the kids grew, so did the dog portion of the family. A few years into the whole thing, they rescued another Good Boy, Chopper. Funny story with him, he was in Missouri. My sister-in-law Heidi, who has they biggest heart, found him on a Lab Rescue page she was on. Their little family was going on vacation in Florida, so she said to Paul, we can just pick him up on the way home. Not really realizing that Missouri isn’t quite on the way home to Wisconsin. But swing over that way they did, and Chopper became a part of the family.

Chopper was a special guy, very patient with kiddos, a big lug of a dog. He liked to dig in the yard. That drove Heidi nuts but she laughed every time she caught him doing it. Paul thought he was this hard ass, and dogs weren’t allowed on the furniture, unless he wasn’t around, then they would climb up and relax. Chopper really was the one that broke Paul of that nonsense. Now Paul likes having dogs all over him on the couch.

A little over 5 years ago, Rudy got pretty sick fast, and it was a very sad day when they had to say goodbye to him. My heart broke for all of them, and Rudy was my guy, so I was sad too. After a couple of months, when Heidi was ready, we went to a rescue locally to maybe find a new buddy for Chopper. Long story short, I ended up with Zelda. Chopper was a saint putting up with her obnoxious behavior and climbing all over him and biting him. But they got along well, and the dog family had some harmony. About a year and a half ago, they finally found another brother for Chopper, in the young and hyper Duncan, a lab mix. But now Chopper was an old man. He put up with Duncan’s nonsense, and they were buddies too.

Lately, our old friend Chopper has been slowing down, a lot. We had it figured he was about 14 years old. He lived with Paul and Heidi and the kids for 12 of those years. He was a big part of the whole thing, and everyone who met him loved him.

Yesterday morning, yes, on my birthday, I got a text from Paul that Old Man Chopper was going to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Poor guy just couldn’t do it anymore, he wasn’t keeping food down, he couldn’t get up or down the stairs. I went over right away, I needed to be sure I could say goodbye. I didn’t really get to say a proper goodbye to Rudy, and I wanted to be there for the kids too. I went with Heidi and Will to the vet. It was so hard, and even though it was the right thing to do, it was so sad. But the best thing was when it was time, the King of the Couch crawled up on the little leather couch in the room one last time. He asserted his dominance one last time on the furniture of the world, and with Heidi and Will holding on to him he went to sleep.

Being there was the absolute place I needed to be in that moment. It is merely a coincidence that it was my birthday. To be there for Heidi, Paul, Will and Natalie and of course Chopper, was a birthday gift even though it didn’t feel like it. That old heartbreak feeling needs to be felt around people you love. You hold each other’s heart and feel it all together. I feel blessed to have been able to be there.

Duncan will need a new friend soon, and when they are ready, I will be there to feel that old feeling too. That feeling of a new good boy to love and play with. I can’t tell you how hard I snuggled Zelda when I got home yesterday, it drove her nuts. But that was the old feeling I needed then too.

So goodbye Old Man Chopper. Run fast and free, and I am sure they let you dig holes over the Rainbow Bridge, big ones. Say Hi to Rudy and all those other dogs we all loved so much. Thanks for all the love you gave us, all the drool too. Continue to dominate couches, and we will see you again someday.

Tomorrow is the day. The one I have been counting down for the past year. I turn 50 years old. I am not dreading it, but more looking forward to it, really. It’s a milestone, and it sounds serious to say “I’m 50.” Like yeah, that’s right, I am an adult now, a real grown-up! It’s time to get down to business!

I am happy it took 49 years to get here. There was a lot to learn to be a 50 year old woman. I learned the hard way sometimes, some stuff came easy. But each of those years gave something to me, and I am happy to bring it all along with me. While I was busy racking up years, I gained and lost others along the way. Not everyone makes it to 50. And to carry on forward with every year that comes along is a blessing.

I don’t have any grand plans at the moment for this 50th year. There will be a trip in February or March with my BFF Amy, who is also turning 50 this month, for us to celebrate the big 5-0. But after that it is just another year. It will go fast, as the years do as you pile them up. Next year when this year has moved on, I will likely reminisce about it, and I hope the memories will be great. I am just happy to be here.

For anyone that is getting another year tacked on soon, I hope you are living a happy life and not fretting about aging. It’s been funny having people tell me I sure don’t look 50, and I say I don’t feel 50, but I don’t exactly know how 50 is supposed to feel. I remember my parents turning 50, and they seemed older than I do now. But they also had me and my siblings aging them rapidly, so they probably were older. Haha. I wish they were here to see this day come, they have missed most of my birthdays now, but they were there at the start of this 50 years, they are the reason I get all of them. They are with me, but I don’t have to share cake with them anymore.

So with my AARP Card clutched in my hot little hands, I will move forward to 50. I will keep moving on, and just be happy I am here at all. I have collected many good friends along the way, I have fabulous memories and the ability to continue making them. What the next 50 years brings I cannot know, for me or for anyone. But I will take as many of them as this life will give to me. Thanks for being a part of my journey, and together we will go forward in search of senior citizen discounts!!

It’s the Monday before Thanksgiving. This is the start of the swing into the holidays. A lot of people take time off for prepping for Thursday, lucky bastards. Grocery stores are hopping. I am probably not stepping foot into Walmart for a while, if I can avoid it, which I can these days, thanks Amazon! It’s going to be a fun few weeks coming up, and it’s going to be a stressful few weeks coming up. People put a lot of pressure on themselves during the holiday season. You can tell them not to worry, everything will be fine, but they will worry anyway. It is just how it goes, part of the cycle of life. What are the things people get hung up on? Let’s see…

Christmas cards. It used to be THE thing to get those cards out. It was fun for a couple of weeks to go to the mailbox. It was not fun trying to find the address book, buying the cards, filling them out, and forgetting to mail them. But it is a tradition, and still is for some people. A lot of people have taken to sending the photo cards, that is a nice touch for families with kiddos. I was usually never all that good at sending them out, but I did like getting them. Not as many people do it anymore, which is a little sad, but I kind of think the constant contact of social media means we don’t feel the need to update everyone with that one mailing each year. Still, if you send me one, I will read it, enjoy it, display it somewhere, and find it again in September next year. Or the year after. Small hoarding issues over here.

Shopping. I like buying gifts for people, I don’t love paying for them, but the picking out process is fun. When you find that right thing and almost pee your pants with the excitement! (That’s a lady thing, comes with age.) But it is easy to get carried away, and spend outside of your budget. That can get stressful. I am not an early shopper, usually. Once in a while you find the right thing ahead of the season, but I like the pressure of waiting until closer to Christmas. I am a December baby, my birthday has to happen before I can do any holiday stuff. Those are my rules. People that are done shopping for Christmas before October are overachievers, and they just are looking for attention. I don’t get them, and if you bought my present prior to the Summer Solstice, we can’t be friends anymore.

Holiday Greetings. These past few years people sure have been getting bent out of shape about how to wish someone a good tiding of the season. I have to greet people and say goodbye to people sometimes hundreds of times a day. It is a big part of my job. So I change up what I say often so that I don’t start to sound insincere. Starting about a week ago I took to telling people to have a nice Thanksgiving, to enjoy their day and things like that. After Thursday is the switch into the Holiday Greeting. That might come out as Merry Christmas. It may be Enjoy Your Holidays, Happy Holidays, or any variation on that theme. If you are offended, that is too bad, really. You should then not enjoy your holidays because you are focused on the wrong things. Be happy that someone has taken a moment to wish you well. It is truly that simple. I am not taking Christ out of Christmas. That isn’t my gig at all. I do not know your affiliation religious-wise, nor do I care. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, etc. or atheist I just want you to have a good life during the season that is upon us. There’s a lot going on, I don’t need a rundown on your beliefs, and with many celebrations of the winter season, we all need a little friendly greeting once in a while. I will give you that, try to appreciate it instead of analyzing if I am a heathen or not. After a long day at work, be happy I didn’t snarl and growl at you.

Homemade candy and cookies. Officially, I am a big fan of this! I do try each year to participate in this. I don’t usually do too well, but I like making some of this stuff. I like eating it more though, so that is where my issues start. But I promise you, if you are willing to cover your kitchen in sugar, spice and everything nice and bring the fruits of your labor, well, hopefully not fruit, I will happily and gratefully accept your offerings! I have a few regular customers who have brought treats to me over the years. And that is so meaningful. It is more than just a snack, it is a gift of your time. The time you put into making it, packaging it, and thinking of me is very appreciated. It is a piece of your heart. There is no better gift than a personal gift. I will say that if you are not gifted in the culinary way, there are some candy stores pumping out some quality goodies too. Wink wink.

There is plenty of time before Christmas gets here for me to continue to enlighten you, so I will come back around now. This is a wonderful and magical time of year for most of us. It can be hard for many, money is tight, maybe the year has taken someone you love from you, or maybe people feel alone or lost. I would hope that you can keep these people in mind, and reach out if you are able. Donate if you can, there are many ways to do that, from dropping change into a bucket, adopting a family, volunteering your time, Toys for Tots, etc. A season of giving, as it were. Have some Merry and Bright days, some quiet and reflective evenings, and be thankful for the time you have with those around you. And please don’t stress yourself out too much. This season will rotate around again next year.

Eat well, and nap often this Thanksgiving. That is all for now.

I wrote earlier this week about losing my friend Marco last year, and his influence in my life. The actual anniversary date was yesterday, and I have been thinking about how losing someone affects you for that first year. It’s different for people, depending on who you lost, how they passed, and quite honestly, how strong of a person you are.

The initial shock of Papi’s passing was tough. He was a young guy really, only 46. He lived life as he wanted to, and he wasn’t always the best decision maker, but 46 is still too damn young. For me it hit because we were close in age, so you think about your own mortality, and it just outright hurt. There really are all the stages of grief like they talk about, you get shock, denial, anger and sadness and more emotions than you can keep track of. I went through so much of that in life, losing parents and family members. It is easy to get lost in your grief, isolate yourself. I kind of had a front row seat to watch how Marco’s death affected his family, since we work together. I saw a lot of pain, grief, shock, tears, and some self-destructive behavior that broke my heart for them, but for Papi too, because if he were just here, none of it would have to happen.

One of the hardest parts of that first year is learning to live without the person you lost. Daily things. Marco was a phone guy. He called his family and friends almost daily, or at least texted daily. He would text his one friend every morning, and for him, that was one of the hardest things. I don’t know if he still does, but he looked at his phone every morning first thing, looking for that text that doesn’t come. Marco and I didn’t communicate daily like that, but I missed, and still miss, his random comments on everything I post on Facebook. He would call the restaurant every morning to talk to his mom. He would have already talked to her, but he did this because it was a part of his “rounds” each day. That phone doesn’t ring at the same time anymore. His family is still learning to live without those things.

That first year is a lot of tears, for sure. They sneak up on you. As time passes it happens a little less, but things will pop up and remind you of your pain. The first year my dad was gone was so awful. Looking back I feel like I cried for a whole year, even though it wasn’t quite like that, I remember a dull ache in my brain and in quiet moments tears would just flow. Trying to be strong for the other people who hurt is exhausting, but you have to keep going. As time passes you notice it a little less, but for that first year and just past the anniversary, it is a tough period.

That first year brings a lot of guilt too. As you move on, and get back to your life, learning to laugh and enjoy life again, you all of a sudden feel guilty. I can tell this has been hitting some of Marco’s people a little. I see them laugh and have a good moment, and it all of a sudden stops. How can I have fun when Marco is gone? It is so unfair to feel that way, but it happens. And of all people, Papi would want them to enjoy their life, live on in a place of joy. That guilt is normal, but so misplaced. You shouldn’t feel bad for the things you can do while you heal, but I know it happens.

That first year is gone now, Papi. I marked it off the calendar, and I promise you things are getting better for all of us, most of us really. We talk about you and laugh more than we cry now, as you would do if it had been one of us. I know you would want us to find happiness and joy, it’s been a slow process, but it is happening. I watch over what I can for you, but you know who needs a little help, so if you could help out however you can from up there, I would appreciate it. We will start this next year and keep moving forward. I won’t lie and say it was an easy year, but it was a year. We will miss you forever, but I am so happy I had you in my life as long as I did. You are with the others I have lost, and I know how much potential there is in that group. You fit right in with them, I am sure.

There was never anyone who Lived, Laughed and Loved like you did, and that first year made me understand that more than ever.

I have been thinking a lot about this, and it is kind of a tough question when I get down to it. Who has been the greatest influence in my life? I am not talking about family or significant others. Not my parents or siblings, their influence is very obvious and while I certainly don’t want to discount that, I am looking for something outside of that. But a person who has had a big impact on my life and where it is now. I know the answer to this, and I have known for a long time. It is time I share it with everyone because this influence has been gone physically from my life for just about a year now, but he is still here with me, every day.

I met my friend Marco back in about 1999 or so. We were co-workers at TrimB’s , the restaurant I worked at for many years. Marco was the first Mexican person I ever got to know personally, and that friendship grew and became something a little bigger than life in a lot of ways. We were horrible influences on each other, that is what made us get along so well. We had quite a little circle of personalities that we ran with. He had a lot of friends that moved here too, and his brothers and mom too. He invited me to parties with all of them, and even though I had no idea what was going on half the time, they fed me fantastic food, drank with me, and swept me up into their “Mexican Mafia” as we liked to call it, and Marco was the Don. He was the center of all of it. It was a great role for him.

Marco would “teach” me Spanish. What that means is I would ask him how you said something in Spanish, he would tell me, and I would not get it right but we laughed!! It’s how he got the nickname Papi and I became Mami, a name I still get called all these years later. Back then the phrase “who’s your daddy” was a thing, so he told me how to say it in Spanish, and all that really stuck was Papi. So I called him Papi, and he started calling me Mami. There are people I have worked with over the years who do not know my name, just call me Mami.

Papi was a big personality. He always had a huge smile. We made outrageous plans for our retirement. We were going to stockpile cases and cases of booze, and move to Mexico and live on the beach, open a bar, but the main thing is we would be jagged all the time. It makes me sad that is just never going to happen.

We lost him this week last year. It is a long story, that nobody really knows all the details of, really. A lot of miscommunication, too much alcohol, and although his heart was huge, it wasn’t healthy enough to get him back home to all of us. He died in Florida, and this past year without him has sucked in so many ways. His family was just devastated, as you would imagine. Hispanics are family first, always. And they were all together all the time, and he was the centerpiece. I was with his mom at work when we got the call about him, and I literally could feel her heart breaking as I hugged her and tried to get her to calm down. I do not know what actually happened, it was all such a blur, but that loss was truly a tangible thing. The air went out of the room that day. He and I may not have been blood family, but he was my brother in every way.

I owe a lot to Papi, and his family. They embraced me because Papi loved me like family. We acted like brother and sister a lot. He would randomly text me “You Suck Mami” at any time. “Papi’s a pussy” was my standard greeting for him. People would look at us, but that was our way of saying “I Love You Buddy.” It’s been a tough year, not hearing how much I suck. You would be amazed at how much you miss something like that. I have my job because of Marco, and I have the life I do now because of that. I knew deep down he would never grow to be an old man. You cannot live the way he did and reach old age. He ate extravagantly, he drank to excess often. There was no moderation for him. But that is what he wanted. He probably knew we would never see that beach in Mexico, but that never stopped him from dreaming it up and giving that dream to me.

Papi I miss you, every single day. I am trying my best to not suck too much, but you know how that is going. I am also trying to look out for your family, and your mom especially. I know she needs a little more than a lot of people can give. It is sometimes a struggle, but she started calling me Carol Sanchez, so I know you are helping her along. She is a mess right now, with the anniversary in a couple of days. I will give her a big hug for you. The rest of us are making the best we can of the void you left. Nobody can fill that kind of chasm, only you. I am sure you are still a pussy, I cannot fathom a situation that could change that. Thank you for being my friend for 20 years or so. Too much tequila, for sure, but the influence on my life carries with me every day. It is more than I have space for on this blog or in my heart. I carry you, and the shitty Spanish you tried to teach me, with me at all times. Me gusta tu culo, Papi.

I started something a few years ago, probably prompted by something on Facebook, where I began giving random compliments to people. Things like “I like that sweater” or how cute some boots are a lady is wearing. Little things I notice to lift someone else up a little bit. It takes very little effort, but it makes another person feel good. It also made me feel good, and it made me more aware of little things. A win-win, as it were.

I still do this, pretty often. It is easy for me to do, working with the public, because I run across all kinds of people all day long. Most of the time the compliments are very well received, and some people get a little awkward, but I like it and I will continue. I always make an effort to be genuine about it too. That makes it better.

I got to thinking about it the other day, about compliments. There are all kinds of ways to compliment someone, not just the kind words about your pretty scarf and how it matches your eyes. I got a pretty big compliment the other day that wasn’t very obvious, until I took the time to consider it after the fact.

Three ladies come into the restaurant about once a month or so. They have meetings somewhere nearby, and they hit us up for lunch on their break. They were in Wednesday this week, and I recognized them by the way they ordered their drinks. Our exchange is usually simple, they order their food, have a few easy modifications, and they eat and get separate checks and move along, as they have a short lunch break. They thanked me for always being so accommodating, and they tip pretty well for ladies at lunch time. Then they told me the last time they were in, I hadn’t been working and they had someone else. It just wasn’t the same for them, and they were just happy I was there. That all is a very obvious compliment to me. So I thanked them. But one of them said this: We called yesterday to make sure you would be here today. They like me and my service so much, that if I would have had the day off, they would have lunched it up elsewhere. I kind of laughed and thought of the phone call, because the phone etiquette of some of our people is a little lacking, and there are language barriers some days for some that answer calls. I sent them back to their meeting, and went on with my shift.

You have no idea what that meant to me after the fact. I have guests that stalk the parking lot, looking for my car to decide if they should stop. (That can go both ways- Oh Crap, she’s there, keep driving!!) The new car has thrown quite a few people off the trail. I should have done a multi-media press release when I bought the Rav4. But having someone take the time to look up the restaurant’s number and make that call is special. It is a compliment, praise and it made me feel good.

Maybe you think people don’t notice you, because they don’t shower you with compliments. But a lot of people are not good with words. Or feel uncomfortable with the process of getting thanked for doing or saying something nice. Random acts of Kindness are a thing because some people want to do something nice without the attention. But sometimes a compliment or gesture is subtle. You don’t always have to know right away something nice happened, but the feeling will come to you. We get wrapped up in instant gratification, how many “likes” a post gets or when people tell you that you look good when you know damn well you look good because of the time you spent getting ready. Being aware of yourself is great, and getting appreciated is excellent. There is a chance that people are sending you that message in a less obvious way. Be aware of your dealings with others, you can send vibes and get them right back, and all of a sudden everyone feels good. Like magic, but better.

This positive vibe I am jamming today is a cumulative effect of a pretty good week. Lots going on, but nothing really happening, just good feelings I am trying to put out and they are coming back. That’s why I shared this today, I want to put it out there for you so you can get into this weekend on a high note, and enjoy the people around you. It’s Thanksgiving month, and we need something to keep us occupied and warm until the turkey and pie get served, as it’s late this year.

This gym experience I talk about often has done more than just changed my physical appearance. It has given me a group of people to be friends with, but more than just that, a support system of other FIRE members. We have some Facebook groups, and then you get to be friends with a lot of them, in that Facebook way. A lot of interaction is available, and I am learning to use that to my advantage.

There are a lot of people that physical activity comes easy to them, maybe they were raised that way. Hey kids, let’s be active and healthy! Doesn’t sound even remotely familiar to me. We were pretty active kids, but in that run around the neighborhood sort of way. Not to be physically fit or athletic. More like being able to throw toilet paper high into the tree sort of a way. And what I am finding is that a lot of us are that way. Making the connection between activity and progress takes more for some of us.

One friend from FIRE wrote a pretty candid post yesterday, describing her struggles and her limitations. She is frustrated that things aren’t progressing the way it seems to for some others. It really hit me, and our paths are different, but I feel some of what she wrote too. Lots of us did, because there were tons of replies, positive ones to help keep her motivated. There is the thing, I know she is motivated, but it kind of comes and goes for many of us. She wants those changes, she has had a taste of it, but frustration gets a hold, and doubt creeps in. I feel she is determined, and the support she gets from her FIRE location is fierce. People are definitely on her side. How do you connect all of it?

It doesn’t help that the time change and temperature drop coincided like an evil plot against humanity. It gets hard to get motivated when your snot freezes inside your nose when you open the door. So you have to tap into determination. I am determined to make that change. What’s your motivation? It seems simple that it should be the Change you are determined to achieve. But sometimes that won’t cut it. So turn to the people around you. You can get through a lot if someone next to you tells you “You Can Do It!!” They can tell you until you can believe it on your own. That is where this group fitness mentality has helped me the most. I have been able to kick a lot of my self-doubt to the curb with a push from the person next to me.

That is what I guess I want to instill here- you don’t always have to be motivated. But have that determination. If you have that, someone else can lift you up to your motivation. Let them, they want to help you because most likely their motivation slipped and they had someone encourage them until they believed it too. It’s transferable to a lot of things in life, not just this gym stuff. The gym is just the best place it clicked for me. I always felt like a loner, that is why I always failed at weight loss and working out, until I got to a place where they had the motivation waiting for me, if I brought the determination to change.

Surround yourself with people who want you to be better. They are better too, when you succeed. It makes a circle of success that will manifest itself in other parts of life. You can get through the lull you feel if you reach out. Be a person who wants to help too, don’t just turn into yourself and lock others out. What I saw in that post, in the responses to a good strong woman, showed me how much people want to be there for others. It was beautiful to see the social media work the way it should.