It’s Mary Jane Day. That isn’t as medicinal as it may sound. But it is for my soul a little. It’s that day we all know what’s on the menu in my family. Mom’s birthday. I don’t know exactly when I started honoring my mom’s birthday with one of her favorite food groups, The Cheeseburger, but it’s been a long time now and most of my siblings also partake, with no lettuce to be seen anywhere. There will also be a little sundae or something. Because that’s the Mary Jane way.

This summer, in the hated month of August, it will be 21 years since Mom left us. It’s still so hard to believe it, and while I believe she travels with me daily, I do almost miss the early morning phone calls. The phone was her weapon of choice, and she used it liberally. But she had to, her health limited her on travel, and she hadn’t driven a car in many years, in fact I had never in my life seen her behind the wheel. That was her way of being with us when we couldn’t be there to see her.

I wish she had lived long enough to be a part of video calls. That would have been a hoot. A lot of elderly people have learned to navigate the technology well enough to really enjoy the Zooms and stuff. I can imagine MJ almost getting it, but not quite. She lived in assisted living the last few years of her life, so someone would have been around to help her out, but it sure makes me smile to think of her on the Zooms my family has on Thursday nights.

I think of her with a cell phone too. She was landline locked and loaded, but imagine the phone terrorist capabilities she would have had with a cell phone. I like to think she would have been a flip phone type, so as to minimize butt dialing. Mom would have figured out a way, but it could have cut it down a little. She was a smart person, she could have figured out the technology enough to wake us all up early on a Saturday. Get her playing a game or two on the phone and maybe a Facebook and Instagram. Mary Jane would have been marvelous, I have no doubt.

Some of my friends have lost their moms in the past year or so. We are that age where it is more normal for life to take that path. We were young when we lost Ed, and then Mary Jane 10 years after him, I was 30 when she died. I have tried to tell my friends that while they will always miss their mom, that time does make it better, it will hurt less. There are so many stages to that grief process, and some days it feels like it follows the chart, other days it feels like you just took the phone call with the news again. Waves, like the ocean, will come and go. I am no expert, I have just been a part of it all for a really long time. I have started to encourage them to do the things I do- honor their memory by doing something they loved. For my mom, it’s a cheeseburger no lettuce, fries, a Coke and little sweet treat. It’s a whole thing now. And for that little while, it’s like sharing the meal with her again. I mean, you are still going to miss her, but this way you justify eating something you probably shouldn’t. I am forever grateful my mom was not a vegetarian.

Happy Birthday Mom, I will pop in my Mamas and Papas cd, get after that cheeseburger, no lettuce, and smile thinking of how popular you were, like Orville Redenbacher. It’s your day, not mine, and I will spend it trying not to be sad, but celebrating the good things of your life, not the other stuff that made it hard and expedited your departure from our lives. Your path was not really what it should have been, but it did bring this family into existence, and today we feast on Cheeseburgers, and leave the lettuce to the bunnies!! Cheers, with a Coca Cola!!

How about that? We are getting there, the return to our lives as we knew it pre-Rona. Little steps in some places, big giant ones in others. You may notice some have been rather impatient about this, most of those folks didn’t think it was real anyways, so they tend to be the loudest in their complaints. I am happy for them that this pandemic didn’t touch them personally, that would have been a big hit to their ego.

I got vaccinated, been about a month since my last dose, and other than being super goofy the second day, I didn’t really have any issues, thankfully. I didn’t put the thing around my profile picture, or any of the other stuff, but it’s done. I didn’t hunker down during the pandemic the way some did, mostly because I couldn’t. I had to work, I had to keep moving because my whole world is just me and Zelda, and she is not overly employable. The weirdness of the whole time kind of hangs over me like a fog. It’s been an adjustment getting back to normal, because my normal is gone.

I miss the restaurant. So much. The people I worked with, the guests, the whole casual atmosphere that isn’t really casual at all, but it felt that way to me. It was comfortable, and it was my whole life. I had to adapt with the pandemic, and that transitioned me into an office. Fish out of water, but I am making it. I am thankful for the opportunity and the benefits I now have that don’t exist in the locally owned restaurant. My new normal. I think about the service industry, I think about a return, but I don’t know that I can, at least not at the moment. People have changed. I hear some pretty awful stories from my friends still in it. I know MY people haven’t changed, but a lot of people are impatient now, more than is fair. We all waited more than a year for the all clear whistle, not just you. The masks are still required some places, is isn’t that bad. But people are still throwing tantrums about it like it’s new. Grow up, that is all I want to say to that. You aren’t that special. I don’t miss those people, because if that is how they are about something small, imagine if they don’t get their lemon in their hot water. No thank you.

I mentioned this a few weeks back, but it bears repeating. Be patient with establishments right now. They are having trouble finding staff. It isn’t everyone is sitting around on unemployment milking benefits like you think. A lot of them left the industry. They had to, to survive. Unemployment benefits aren’t that great, from service industry standards. And why rush back to an industry that doesn’t offer paid time off, insurance, 401k plans, or even full time hours? Rush back for minimum wage? The fast food places too, that are only open in the drive thru? Not enough staff to open the dining areas, because they can’t keep it clean and stocked to the standard of the company. Some of these things are going to linger for a while. That’s why it’s a crawl back to normal, not a sprint. Please be patient, please.

I went to the grocery store, and didn’t wear a mask, since I am considered fully vaccinated. It was later in the evening, so there weren’t that many people around anyway. Some employees were still masking, some were not. If felt weird, good and anxious yet normal. I found myself looking at everyone, and giving out a lot of smiles, because I could. I was always smiling behind that mask, my eyes can always convey my smile anyway, so people knew. But it was good to get a smile back here and there. I would have gladly worn the mask if they were requiring it yet, because it isn’t a hardship to do so. But it was nice to have the option. We are getting there.

So much has changed, and the 15 months or so that we have been through so far has drawn some lines, changed some opinions. I think some people grew through this, and some reverted back to some very immature ways. That is life, we change, evolve, digress, lunge ahead, or fall behind. But to emerge from this is a gift, not everyone did. People got sick, some people died, lost loved ones and are forever changed by this experience. I feel lucky to have gotten through this far, in life and through the pandemic. It took forever and it went by so fast. Your perspective is yours, and I don’t take anything away from what you felt, I am just happy to be crawling with all of you. Be well, stay well, and keep looking for forward progress.

I love my gym. Seriously, it’s Sunday morning, so the gym is on a rest day, so I am too. I won’t completely shut it off, after all, Zelda gots to have her walks, but no weights, no weirdo scorpion walks or bear crawls for me today. Just an easy day. Some days I love the rest days, other days I can’t wait for Monday morning to get back there and be with my 5am people.

That’s the place the love comes from, the people. I can get through those 30 minutes with the fellow crazies that believe it is ok to be awake and functional at 5am. Each camp time has its regulars, and we keep each other accountable, we cheer each other on and we get through it together. A mob mentality, but in the good way, you know?

Under the best of circumstances, I am no role model for much of anything. But somehow, this place helped me kind of find a spot where people have followed me. Me. Little old Carol. It is sometimes very hard to wrap my head around it. One of the girls I went to high school with posted this morning about how she got to FIRE, as it is her 2 year anniversary there. She thanked me and one of our other classmates, who followed me there too, for sharing our experiences which got her through the doors. Cue the estrogen, because I never see myself that way. I don’t think I can inspire my groceries out of a paper bag, let alone inspire someone to change their ways. But it happened, and it is time for me to recognize the influence I can have.

When you see yourself looking back in the mirror each day, you only see yourself, not the sum of the parts. Certainly not the inside, where that little fire burns. But as you wander through your day, dealing with family, co-workers and complete strangers, they look at you through eyes you can never see through. What are you showing them? I think a lot of us put on a persona when we leave the house, and hope that is the “put together” image people look at. I have always just tried to be me. Some days that is a hot mess, others it is giggles and laughs, and all things in between. But people see me, and I don’t look that hard at what they are looking at, because image isn’t something I stress too much over.

I had a conversation at work the other day that made me look at myself a little bit though, because I was asked to consider how others perceived me. Ouch, that’s a tough one. I sit back in my little corner desk and get through the days, not really thinking about what I bring to it. Same as the gym, I am there, and I am getting through it. But he made me realize that I do have an effect on those around me, I am an example. He even went so far as to call me the “adult” in the situation. (He meant it in a good way, I think.) It kind of got me thinking of how we spend an awful lot of time taking things away from ourselves, to not be too noticeable, instead of adding to ourselves to become more.

I do want to be more. I do want to make people stop and take notice. I just never really knew why. But as it turns out, I have something to contribute. We all do. It may take a while to find it, trial and error of living life. I doubted myself in so many things for so long, that I never noticed I was doing stuff the whole time that was making me better, I just wasn’t paying attention in math class. Keep adding good things, take out the bad stuff. That includes things and people. Add, subtract. Carry the one, subtract the negative. (no algebra, we don’t need that.) When I added the gym to my life, I removed some self doubt, when I inspired a few people to come along, I helped them add something and subtract their apprehension about starting something new. Now that I can recognize it, I have a better view of what I can do.

Add in some good things to your life. Subtract the things that aren’t lifting you up. We get closer to our goals when we add each other into the mix, when we support and inspire others. Surround yourself with things and people that make you feel like a star. Then acknowledge that they helped you, and you helped them too. Recognition is great, but know your part in what you accomplished too.

I can’t shake a post I read this morning, written by a friend, who happens to own a local sports bar/restaurant type of place in the Fox Cities. They are open, full board, and they have been busy. Like many other businesses, they have been operating short staffed. There are a lot of reasons why places are understaffed, but that is not the topic here today. Just know that they are, and it is something they do hope will resolve itself sooner than later.

She is grateful for the business, the opportunity to keep people employed, to make money and to serve guests in person again. This last year sucked, and running a business on carry out orders only had to be a struggle, operating with a skeleton crew, the extra costs involved with packaging and having delivery services, whether in-house or third party. There’s a lot people don’t see, and that you as a customer never really need to know about. The people that could work, worked hard and for less money in tips than if the doors could be open. They were surviving.

So places are opened back up, and people are going out again, kind of with a purpose. That’s great, and in an ideal world everyone would give and get great service. There is no restaurant I have ever known that has been able to fully operate in the Ideal World. Things happen. People no-show for a shift, equipment breaks, you run out of an item, the list is long and gloriously frustrating. You do the best you can, to get people in, fed and watered, and have them go on their way so the next group can sit and eat drink and be merry. But when any one of the things that can go wrong do, you have to improvise, shift things, and hope upon hope your guests either don’t notice or are understanding.

If something does go wrong, whether it’s being out of something, short staff, or just anything that happens on a shift, when is it Ok to make a member of a restaurant staff cry? Never. It is NEVER ok. But guess what, it happens. This particular place had over an hour wait on food. That sucks. It sucks for the guests. It sucks for the staff. There is not one person in that building it did not suck for. But at no time in an interaction with another human being is it ok to be so callous and heartless to make someone cry. I don’t know if she cried in front of the whole dining area or if she took into the walk-in cooler and cried her eyes out. I don’t need to know. I know how she felt, and I hate that it happened.

If you are headed out for a meal and drinks, please take your patience along with you, or stay home. Nobody likes working short-staffed. And it may be the back of the house that is short, could be the waitstaff, but I guarantee you places are running short. It’s like that in retail too right now. But under no circumstance is it ok to treat someone in such a manner that they should have to walk away from you with tears welling up in their eyes. Even if the wait is their fault. You have zero right to make someone feel that small. Who do you think you are? That is someone’s family, that money they are trying to make might be the only income their household has. They have to put on a smile and make nice for someone who they do not know so they can pay their rent. If you think that is easy, I welcome you to fill out an application at any restaurant right now and give it a shot.

When things were closed, we had an attitude of support and empathy for others. Where has that gone if making a server cry is the thing I read about first thing on a Sunday morning? Why on earth would you not think before you speak, and phrase it all a little differently, using kindness? You think you are frustrated waiting? She has been back in the kitchen countless times looking in the window for your food and hoping her ticket is coming up next so she doesn’t have to face your steadily declining mood. But she has to smile through it, even though she is more frustrated than you are. Walk a mile in her slip-proof shoes for one minute. You have no idea, if you have never worked in the industry, of what it is like to look in the window and not see the order you have been waiting an hour for. And don’t get me started about the fact that she can’t even say a word to the kitchen staff because they are buried too.

I said it on Facebook earlier today, I will say it again here. If you cannot be patient with waiting for food, if you are in a hurry to get in and out of a place, you may want to stay home for now. This is going to continue. The staffing issues are not going to get better for a while. So if you cannot operate with patience and kindness when you go out, don’t go out. They are working hard, they are working usually without things like insurance, benefits, paid time off or even a 15 minute break most days. It isn’t like other jobs. You run for other people, and you hope to make enough to cover groceries and rent, and pray you don’t get sick. There is no safety net most of the time in the service industry. So a little of your kindness and patience is not too much to ask.

I know it’s been a while since I sat it down and wrote anything. It’s probably been at least a month. Sorry to hold all of you hostage like that. It’s not that things of interest haven’t been happening, or that I have been so busy, I just let time do its thing and pass by for a bit. Sometimes a little break is a good thing.

I went out and got the vaccine thing done. I wasn’t really sure I was going to do it, until I did. Once Wisconsin opened it up to the people with things like high blood pressure and obesity, I was like that’s my wheelhouse, and I scheduled it, got in quick for the first one and down that road I went. I fared pretty well with it. Pretty much a sore arm, and one day of not feeling so good after the second dose. And really, it wasn’t that bad except I sort of have had some hot flashes. Compared to some who have had rashes or got fairly sick for a few days, I feel I came through it pretty well. Now two weeks can pass and I get to call myself fully vaccinated. We will see what that actually means when we get there.

It’s good to feel like we are moving forward, and while numbers continue to bump up a little, then drop down, depending where you live, more people seem to be getting back to a more normal sequence of living. It’s got to take some time that a lot of people haven’t been willing to let pass, but I have felt all along, I can only control my actions, not what others do. Just trying my best to not be a part of the problem.

If there is one thing I ask and beg for as we resume our lives, it’s to please continue to give some grace to those working in retail stores and in restaurants and bars. They are doing the best they can with fewer people. A lot of people have not returned to those jobs, and places are short staffed. Give them some grace. I am in a couple of those Restaurant Review groups on Facebook, and believe me the Karens are still out there, and they are still tremendous self-centered a-holes. I do enjoy how people will jump all over them when they complain, because the majority of people are decent human beings, it does my soul good to see people stand up for others. Be that person, when you can. It is an incredibly admirable quality to champion someone who needs a lift.

We need to head towards a normal existence again, and that means a lot of different things to different people. And not everyone gets that, unfortunately. I spent the past year still able to leave my home everyday to go to a job at a physical location. Not everyone did, and it has done different things to some people. Some people love being home, some did not, and some are going to get to go back to their offices, and some are not. Where you are on that spectrum is going to decide a lot about how you move forward in the coming months, just a little reality check. There are probably some people who haven’t put on regular pants in a year. We have to be there in support for them, no matter their pants progression. I hope everyone is getting through ok, that has been my message the whole time, as I am a pants wearer. Good luck if you are headed back soon. Pants suck, no matter where you are.

So, as we hit the Spring, I hope you are able to venture out, enjoy the lovely change of season and I hope you are feeling better about things in your existence. I have been loving the flowers, the buds on the trees regardless of what they are doing to my allergies, and the earlier sunrises and later sunsets. We get a lot to enjoy this time of year, and I want you to enjoy as much as you can. If the pandemic has taught anything to me, it is to stop for a second or two each day and appreciate something good. We were given a gift of time for ourselves, most of us were, and a lot of people didn’t learn a thing about themselves, but more of us did. I have rambled on enough for the day, I think, and even if it is a little chilly this morning, it is a sunny day by me, I hope to enjoy it as much as possible, and I hope you do too. Be well, and I wish you forward progress, like in football, but better.

I usually have a pretty good idea what I want to talk about when I sit down here and start writing. Not today so much, as I kind of got blindsided this morning. Not too bad, and while it was something I wasn’t expecting, I wasn’t truly that shocked except the news that came along with it pretty much sucked. I have to be a little vague about it, since I don’t know the whole story, but let’s just say I am bummed.

Change happens, all the time. I get it, I have seen it my whole life. Maybe that’s why I feel ok about this morning, or maybe it will sneak up on me later and I will be pissed or something. It’s like my bracket for the NCAA tournament yesterday, it got hit hard, but I feel ok because I can just sit back and watch now, with no hidden agenda of cheering for a team I hate. Good things can come out of bad things.

It’s not my place to talk about what changed this morning, until an announcement gets made. It affects me a little, and some of my people, but it won’t ruin anything or devastate my existence, it is just something to adapt to. It isn’t anything personal, it just feels that way when you are invested in the people around you. Roll with it, I still have goals to get to, so a bump can’t dislodge the focus.

My lesson here is to roll with the changes as they come along. Having been through a lot of loss through life can make you a little stoic when things happen. You can get upset, or make a decision to withhold judgement until you get through the chaos of the moment. That’s the place I feel like I am in now in my life. I can get mad, but what does that accomplish? Not much but waste my energy, when things may just end up great after everything settles. Time will tell.

So, my thoughts got a little messed up with where I may have gone when I knew I wanted to write this morning. I don’t know what time I get the rest of the story today, but for the 3 people I know this whole thing affects the most, thanks for everything, the whole way through. People touch your life, and hopefully in a positive way. These 3 did, for absolute certain. We keep going, growing and I know they will too. I send out lots of love to them in the universe today, because I know it will find them and great things will happen. Everything is good for me, this is a small turn on the long road of life. We go through them, readjust and navigate our way through. It is the first day of Spring, if that can’t get you into a positive place, I don’t know what can. Keep going, keep growing.

It’s time change weekend! Yay! But, it is also the time when so many people will complain about an hour. The old “I am losing an hour of sleep!” crowd will be piping up in the next few hours. I have an unsympathetic message for them: Boo Hoo! You waste so very many hours of your life, I do too, and to that I say, what is one more hour? You will get it back in 8 months or whenever we do that Fall Back thing, so it evens out.

It gets me thinking about all the hours I waste, plenty, believe me. I waste time with the best of them. But I have gotten a little better with some of my hours, like the time I spend on me. Lots of people don’t spend the hours on themselves so much, which is really awful to think about. I mean, we have to give some of our hours to work, we get compensated, hopefully accordingly, but what about the rest of those hours we get in a day? How are you spending them?

I start my days at the gym, and even though the camp is a half hour, it is about an hour of my day between the driving time and the goofiness we get into after the camp, pictures, laughing or crying (depending on the day!) That’s a good hour, the best of my day most days. Then I come home to my doggo, The Zelda. She is a great part of my day too, even though she drives me nuts sometimes. But I don’t have any regrets about my time with her, except time getting tennis balls from underneath the couch. We walk, we play and the time is great. When you think of the amount of time you get with your pets in life, every hour with them is precious, so enjoy them all you can.

I regret a little bit the time I waste on social media. I mean, some of it is good, keeping up with family and friends, but it is a giant time suck. One of my co-workers downloaded Tik Tok last week, and she quickly found out it had to go! She said she stayed up late watching Tik Toks, and she couldn’t believe how much time she spent! She has 3 kids, a husband, dog and a lot going on, so her time is a premium. She took it back off her phone a day later, knowing she can’t afford to have that time sucked from her! I was proud of her, that is something a lot of us couldn’t do, I would be willing to bet. I waste enough time of the Facebook, I don’t do the Tik Toc for that reason alone. Not that I have so much going on, but I don’t need that!

I haven’t been spending enough time with the people I love. I don’t know if you ever can spend enough time with them, truly. This is partially the result of the ‘Rona, I mean we all know what that has been like. But I really need to do better at this now that things are slowly returning to normal. It is time to re-engage some people, and get back into it, safely of course, but I miss people. A lot. And this spring I plan on venturing out a little more as we progress. I have wasted enough of that time, for sure.

When you change your clocks that don’t automatically change, when you dig out the owner’s manual for your car because you just don’t remember how you did it last October, and when the hour changes, don’t complain about that hour. Make the best of the hours you still have. You have time now, make the best of it, and be happy you do. Lots of people lose the hours that mean the most to them in silly ways, I do it too, and I think if we put ourselves in a better spot to make the best of our time, you won’t even notice that hour slip away at 2 am. And remember, the Spring Ahead means it is time for Spring, the time of rebirth and renewal, that’s for all of us. Enjoy it!

Nope, we haven’t ventured into a Waffle House in the Deep South. I wish!! These aren’t my pet names for any of you either, I don’t think I have yet crossed the age threshold for calling people this, although I feel it close by. Instead, this is my 18th day or so of having given up sugar for Lent. Checking in, looking forward, and lots of pep talks for myself and my Sugarless partner in this, Bri, the one who sweet talked me into this, as it were.

For those not of the Roof Company Mafia, Bri works with me at the SLR, she is the Gutter Department Goddess. She is fun, and up until the point she talks you into giving up sugar, one of my favorite people I have met in my migration into working a straight job. She also works as a fitness coach, and so she knows this stuff. But she also loves the sugar, and I know this is hard for her too, because she lives a short walk to the Mexican Treat store, Frio Mexican Treats, and they know her by name there. I don’t really know how she got me to do this, but I sit in a corner, and I am easily backed into that corner from time to time, and an easy mark for peer pressure. I assume she used this to her advantage. Don’t tell her, but I am glad she did.

I have mentioned how things are at the office, and others that work in offices have confirmed that this goes on all over. Sweets and treats are often available, donuts, cakes celebrating every single thing, cookies, all things sugar, all the time. It’s a trap. I love getting caught in that trap. I love sweets. There is no shame in my donut eating game. But there needs to be because the weight gain has been all too real since I have been sitting at a desk the better part of 9+ months. The recent gym weigh-in knocked the reality of that home for me, so something has to give. That’s how Bri got me, the day after weigh in when I was weak. She offered me a donut shaped life preserver, wait they are that shape anyway, and I took it.

It hasn’t been that bad, truly. My office mates are being good sports and not pushing Rice Krispy Treats at me all week. We did have a birthday, but they respectfully kept the cake away from me. We had a cake sitting in the break area all day yesterday, and I even made eye contact with it once, and I stayed strong. I am doing ok. I didn’t even really have any sugar withdrawals the way some people do. I am amazed by that. We have a ways to go before Easter gets here and I get paroled from Sugar Jail, but today, as I sit here typing, I am ok, truly.

Challenges are supposed to challenge you, hence the name. Since the new year started, we have done challenges at the gym, we did the squat thing, and then we let one of the coaches make a month’s worth of daily things, which were awful mostly, but the gang of us stuck with it. This sugar thing is just my current challenge. Like the others, I have support through it, or I am sure I would stumble. Through all of it I have chosen to look for the benefits instead of focusing on what I am missing out on. That has really been a big difference for me, and something I haven’t always been able to zone in on. When you look at it like you are denying yourself things, you could be setting yourself up for a fall. Change the mindset, change the outcome.

So my sweet tooth is in a holding cell, and I am seeing some positive things. As this Lenten season continues, I will continue to try to stick to this. If Bri can hang in there, so can I and when it’s all over, I will meet her at the Frio, and we will dominate something delicious and sweet, or maybe we will eat some plants or something. Hahaha, that’s cute that I think I could choose vegetables over churros! The good outweighs the bad, but ice cream is better than spinach. Have a great Lent, and whatever you have chosen as your challenge to get you to a better you, keep at it. We aren’t denying ourselves things, we are making things better for a great season ahead!

I like the word mystical a lot, because it can take you a lot of places. Van Morrison takes you “Into the Mystic” and I love the 80s movie “Mystic Pizza.” It is kind of a magical word and I like magical things.

I find as I am aging, and especially while we have been progressing through this pandemic, I am feeling more spiritual. Not religious, but spiritual, mystical and more in touch with my touchy feely side. I have been given lots of time to reflect, and I do. While others have spent their time thumping their political chests and worrying about other things they can’t change, I have tried to reach a spot where that stuff just doesn’t worry me. Still reaching, as it turns out it is a lifelong quest, not a weekend retreat.

The political stuff became all consuming for some people. That just isn’t healthy, and that became so obvious in the events up to the election and the months following it. How upset were some people you know, like all the time? Constant obsession. What good came of it? A lot of hard feelings, a lot of snarky comments between people who are supposed to be friends or family. At the end of the day, it didn’t change outcomes, it didn’t make our elected officials any wiser, more empathetic or interested in anything more than money. Wasted energy, wasted relationships and so much bitterness. That time would have been better spent trying to baptize your cat, and the cycle seems to be on again already. Jump off that ride, and enjoy your life and family.

I have been trying to meditate regularly. It has been an interesting effort, and I think it has helped me from getting too riled up about all the politics, the continuing arguments about how the pandemic is handled or not handled, and the changes I have had to process in my existence. That’s where the Mystical stuff comes in, really. Paying attention to myself, instead of all the noise around me. I still get ticked off at things, believe me, but at the end of the day, I can wind down and replay what upset me and breathe my way through it. It’s like that Serenity Prayer, about resetting myself and accepting that I cannot control what others do. It’s me, all me, that’s where my attention must be. I can’t change other people, just how I react to them. It’s been quite a gift that I gave myself. I just have to keep practicing it.

When you meet other people who are pretty grounded you can feel it from them too. It’s not that they don’t have things upsetting their apple carts, they just figure their way through it is a more calm way, because they learned how at some point. Being the noisiest person in a room isn’t for everyone. People that have that calm really draw people to them, without being that center of attention. It’s like a leadership thing. Some people are just born leaders, and the people that follow don’t always know why, just that they feel better with that person. They don’t often have to pound their chest for your attention, you just somehow have it. You feel better in their presence. That is a gift, and I would say it falls under that mystic thing.

With all this self-awareness stuff, the Algorithm Gods at Facebook put wonderful memes and sayings all over my news feed. I share a lot of them, and I think they help someone out once in a while. It helps me out more. I have been on my path by myself for a long time, and at times it is lonely, but these things often get others onto my radar. I find that there are a lot of people trying to follow a more mystical, spiritual path, and it is nice to see them out wandering with me. The confines of organized religions aren’t for everyone, and I don’t mean to make that sound negative. Some people do much better on their path with a guide, a pastor, rabbi, priest or whatever your religion has. They need the guided tour, and I am so happy it is there for them. The mystics of the world are on a more secluded path, but not alone. It is still a spiritual journey, just using their heart as a guide to their soul.

February ends today, the shortest long month we have. I have been paying close attention all month to how it affects others. It is a time that people get antsy, impatient for spring. It is a time before we know the changes coming will really get here. We tend to be in the hibernation mode yet, but we are beginning to stir. My meditations lately have addressed that, and I think I got through this February better than any I have had most of the other Februarys of my life. It really was magical. Or maybe that was mystical.

As March begins, I hope you are enjoying more daylight, more renewal and paying attention to the little changes that happen every day. Focus in on yourself for a little each day, instead of giving everything away to others. When you notice small things, big things can become more apparent. Put yourself on a mystical journey, and enjoy all that is around you and those that you love. As the world turns, I say Namaste.

Who doesn’t love to be a little relaxed and comfortable? I think there are people who aren’t used to it, but it is kind of a goal in life. We want comfortable shoes, we want the chairs and couches to be comfortable. Driving for hours makes you long for a comfortable seat in your ride. So it’s a thing, and it should be that way for your mind and soul too. Get them to a spot where you are comfortable in life. There is a thought process that encourages you to not get too comfortable with your life, that you should always be striving for more. We’ll see about that.

I have had my comfort levels stretched out a bit this past year. I was very settled in my old routine and job, I had been there 10 years, that is gonna happen. I had joined a gym that inspires some changes, but even there I have a level of comfort that exists among all the challenges. I have come to realize in the past couple of weeks I have reached a level of comfort at the new gig, about 8 months into it. That brought me some real calm, and at a time where calm isn’t an easy thing to come by, it gives me comfort. How wonderful!

The connection between what I knew and didn’t know seems to have moved a little closer, and it happened over some time. It wasn’t like a giant epiphany, is just developed and grew a little at time, which is probably for the best. I still have days where I am only pretty and that is all I am contributing, but that has benefits too, probably to be discussed at a different time. It helps so much that the people around me get that, because they too have days that all they bring to the table are good looks and a sense of humor, we are a pack like that. Birds of a feather. Wink wink.

This week I had a moment that let me know I am doing OK. One of our sales guys came in, with a past customer on the phone. He needed to schedule a time to go out, and we are supposed to handle that. So, Kevin and I sat there, talking to the gentleman, and I got the basic stuff I need to have, and one thing we do is to make sure the homeowner will be available, with no other plans. I ask him, and he says he will be there, his only plans will be to do some baking. I joke with him that Kevin will be over, and maybe he will bring a container to bring some baked goods back. We have a good little laugh, and I get this customer on the schedule the next day.

You know what happened. If you read this regularly, you know of my charm and how I overwhelm people with it. That’s right, Kevin went out, did his deal, and Lee the Awesome Homeowner sent him back to the office with a loaf of Banana Fudge Bread for ME!!!! YES!!! I felt that awesome feeling I used to get when my regular guests would bring me Christmas candy, snacks they know I like, or little gifts. It was comfortable, and even more important, it was comfort food! I felt like I connected, and without ever meeting this person, I did what I have done for many years, and it felt comfortable.

I miss my people. So very much. And the hardest thing about this job is making a connection with people I can not see. It is all over the phone, and I can only imagine what they look like, how they are and all I really know is where they live and that their roof needs some love. I get to see the people I work with, they are the bridge between me and the phone people. It isn’t an instant gratification thing like I am used to in a restaurant bar setting. I didn’t think I would ever get to that comfort level. But for a minute or two on a phone call with Lee, I got it. And that bread is good! I will be sad when it is gone.

Changing your life is so scary, because you feel like you may never have that certain comfort level you are used to and cling to. It may be necessary sometimes due to things beyond your control, like my situation was. I work with and for great people, and they have helped me tremendously by being friendly and patient. But until you start to sink into it and feel comfortable, it’s a struggle. You know, I have talked about it before. A little loaf of Banana Fudge bread doesn’t mean I know and can do everything in my job perfectly, but it means I can relax a little and know I am getting there, to a level of comfort that I can grow with. I can do this. I can breathe and be a little more comfortable. Thank God.