I have a birthday again in couple of weeks. I will have fulfilled the First 50 years, and starting the second 50 years. 51. Seems like an uneventful age. Of course, it will dictate itself, I don’t get much say in how things roll. Probably for the best, I am not a great planner. Most days I still feel like a spry young thing of 49, but this 50th year has left a few tread marks, and there are just certain things that go along that make you feel like an old clunk.

With my new employment came some new health insurance. That necessitated a change in doctors, which isn’t so bad, my old provider had just retired, and I had met the new Doctor at that clinic only one time, no emotional attachment, on my part at least, just yet. I am sure she is devastated, but she is young, she will find a new patient who needs some blood pressure meds soon enough. I had an appointment this week to meet my new doctor, and go over my fantastic medical history. Explaining family history, listing off things I have had, yeah, that makes you feel old. The kidney stone and colonoscopy conversations made me feel about 80 years old. Then I learned that a Shingles vaccine is a 2 part thing. I had a shot in June, thought that’s good, I am ready! Nope, there is a second part! So I had to get another one, and I am not a baby about shots, but it hurt! I felt like I got punched hard by someone wearing a big ring! No lollipop after, either. Boo!

This gets me to the mammogram portion of my talk. I get them annually, as I have a family history. I hadn’t scheduled one yet, because I knew my insurance would be changing. They happened to have an opening the morning I was there, so I was able to get it done Tuesday. I have had enough of them now that it isn’t an anxiety thing for me, but rather a comfort thing. Not that it is comfortable, but knowing I am taking care of that business comforts me. I had the nicest technician, she was young, but very good at her gig. Warm hands too, that is a big plus, as anyone who gets mammograms will tell you. I cannot stress enough how important it is to get these done, ladies. In the past year and a half, give or take a few months, I have known no less than 5 women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Young, in their 30s and 40s. Mammograms are a huge tool in being able to diagnose this early enough to be able to have success in treating the cancer. These women have fought, there have been tough days, better days, but they are seeing more days than if they hadn’t found out by being seen and getting mammograms done. I feel like it is one of the most important things a woman can do for herself, so I will always encourage doing it, and if you need someone, let me know, I will be there with you. Mine went well, and it will be a year before I go again, but I would bet money I will talk about them again here, as I believe early diagnosis saves lives.

Getting a little older gives you some history. Medical History. I have been lucky to stay relatively healthy through most of my days. Sure, take away a toe here, a spider bite there, and a boulder of a kidney stone, I have done pretty well. It took me a lot of years to take it a little more seriously, like most people I think we all believe we are invincible in our youth. Then your knee pops when you stand up to go potty for the 15th time because your old lady bladder can’t handle it anymore. I get it, believe me. But it comes to a point where you aren’t ready to trade your sports car in for a Buick, so you check the tires a little more often. I kind of think that is where I am at right now, scheduling appointments a year from now, because knowing is better than getting surprised, and the family history I spawned from is no joke, medically speaking. In these days of the ‘Rona, being healthy is something I choose to not take for granted, because not everyone wins every fight.

* I thought a lot this week, after the news about Alex Trebek dying came through, of my friends and family who have or have survived cancer. Various cancers, various treatments, lots of fighting. He fought Pancreatic cancer for a lot longer than most people make it after diagnosis. I don’t know, maybe it was the way that he continued working, speaking openly about his bad days, and trying his best to stay positive. He seemed like he could inspire a lot of people, even knowing his long term prognosis wasn’t great. The reports that he had a good last couple of days, with his people around him, made me think even more of his whole approach to it. And what I hope is that all of you who have fought, or are fighting, see the hope of his journey, not the final destination. I could see where his passing could take the wind out of your sails a little, but I sure hope not. He said that he had lived a good life, and he did that up to the end, and he went to sleep. While my wish is that nobody would get cancer anymore, I would hope even more that those who do, can look at his journey and know that there is a good life still to be had, and that hope is a good thing.

It’s been a looooong week! We sure know how to jam a lot into a little space of time. We had us a Halloween, Full Moon, time change, election that goes on and on, 2 Packers games, plus they made us work all week! Yikes!!

So it is time to check in on everyone. Mental health check! How are you coping? I myself have used a lot of denial, avoidance and food to get through the week. Not maybe the healthiest decisions, but I made it to Saturday, so I will count it as a win. I can’t speak for anywhere else in the country, but the weather here this week has really helped a ton! Mother Nature has been agreeable and served us up a stretch of above average temperatures, sunshine and pretty things. I have even seen some very confused flowers budding while walking the Zelda out and about. It is all very much appreciated, especially on Tuesday when we all stood in long lines for voting. A sunny day made it so much better than what it has turned into, which is a bit of a circus, with no ringmaster.

I won’t go into the election too much, since it isn’t really a thing yet. But the moods of people have been interesting. Nobody is truly ecstatic about anything yet, as of this morning. I suppose that all depends on who you threw the vote to, and I get that. The one thing I lost a bet on, just a bet with myself, is that the people I thought would be the noisiest, on social media, have been pretty quiet this week. Now, there is a pretty good chance some of them are sitting in the Facebook Jail, that happens sometimes, but even still, it’s been subdued. That’s downright creepy. I mean, I was ready to read things, see things, and get all kinds of riled up where appropriate. I will have to wait until the horses cross the finish line, I guess.

We got two Packers games jammed into a week. One ugly, one a winner. That’s an emotional roller coaster for me any week, let alone this week. It’s such a strange season, with the ‘Rona as a tag along. I have watched all the games by myself. I can even admit I haven’t had a beer during any of them, and now it’s become a weird part of my superstitions for the season. I have gameday rituals, which I won’t reveal because we can’t let opposing teams learn what might hurt or help the Pack. Really, I have kept my weirdo things to a minimum this season, because it all feels so tenuous. Like I am so afraid it will all get suspended, so if I don’t invest too much my heart can’t get broken. Why don’t my relationships ever work? Look at the Badgers, they gave us a fantastic opening game, and now they are all ‘Rona locked down. Great first date, no phone calls after. So I am very quietly being the Stalker Girlfriend of the Packers. I am here, they know I am here, but they are going about their business like they may have to leave town unexpectedly, and will let me know. So, GO PACK GO, just don’t Go Away Pack Go.

They took that hour of daylight away and tacked it on at the start of the day this week. That’s been an adjustment too, but I usually take it pretty well. With the new job, I leave at 5 each day, and it’s been some beautiful sunsets when I have been leaving this week, but that’s going to end quick. It will be dark AF when I am leaving work, probably after this week. Now, it is only about 45 days until we start gaining daylight again, but that’s a slow crawl back to Daylight Savings, and given how this year has been such a drag it may seem worse than normal. But I am trying to keep that glass half full, so yay!! 45 days!! Meanwhile, I keep moving forward, because the seems like the thing to do, hopefully everyone else is doing ok with it and headed that way as well. Keep that head up!

We are headed towards winter, but we aren’t there quite yet, so don’t rush things, except to finish this week. It had its time, I want to kick this one to the curb. I think people are tired, and it shows in a lot of ways. But the one thing I would hope is that we can all find a way to be decent to each other. Whether it is your political opinions this week, how the Packers can stink so much one day and be superstars four days later, or that it’s just too dark too early, choose your words carefully, and stay on the side of kindness. We are traveling together. It’s like the movie “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” really. Neal and Del had a tough time traveling together, but at the end of it all, they needed each other and ended up where they both needed to be. Together. So find the best way to get there together, if you can.

I wanted to take some time to write here yesterday, and I could have, but my hectic weekend schedule of screwing around got in the way. I usually will sit down after I am done with my Saturday gym beatdown, because my fingers are the only thing not in pain. Yesterday when I turned to computer on, I saw the Sean Connery had died, at age 90, of natural causes at his home in the Bahamas. That diverted my attention. Not like it’s hard.

He was a great actor, and that Scottish accent was fabulous. You know women and accents. So I thought about his glorious career, and immediately went down a rabbit hole. Not of him, actually, but of those SNL skits of Celebrity Jeopardy. The absolute ridiculous portrayal of Connery by Darrell Hammond is probably one of the funniest things they ever aired. The skits are so funny. Like pee your pants, I can’t breathe funny. I spent about 45 minutes watching them, and I laughed so hard. It felt so good to laugh like that. It made me very aware that it has been a while since I laughed like that, and I bet since a lot of us have laughed good and hard at something so silly.

It’s not that there aren’t things that strike me as humorous. I have brothers and a sister that crack me up. I make myself giggle regularly, so much so I can’t even get out what is making me laugh to share with others. Life is funny, when you get down to the brass tacks of it, but we just have been distracted so much this year, we are only seeing the stuff frowns and grumpiness are made of. We really should knock that off.

Laughter is the best medicine. Indeed it is. I felt great after laughing at those skits. I read part of an interview this morning with Darrell Hammond, and how that gig was the most popular thing he has done, ever. He touches on how he developed it, and he didn’t think it would go over with the writers at SNL. And I laughed thinking of him coming up with it, and the silliness of it. That an accomplished actor like Connery would be so bad at Jeopardy, and have a hatred of Trebek, doing things to his mom, and mis-reading the categories. Even now I am giggling thinking about it!! It’s so funny! Almost 25 years have passed, and that is still hilarious.

As stupid of a place that the Internet can be some days, the constant assault to our political fears, news stories, pandemic fear mongering, etc. it is still a treasure trove of ridiculously funny things that people have done over the years. If you need a chuckle, you can find it with a simple Google search or cruising YouTube or whatever your preferred spot is to search things. I think we are going to need some laughs over the next few days, because this election isn’t funny. For the next few months while we sit and wait for what the ‘Rona is going to do for the winter, some giggles might just get us through.

Now, to circle it back to Sean Connery, as I was kind of wanting to be respectful of his actual work, I know he is best known for his work as 007. He was James Bond a little before my time, I remember Roger Moore as Bond and the Bonds after him. Connery was great in many of his roles. I haven’t seen everything he did, but one of my favorites was his part in “The Untouchables” with Kevin Costner. When his character gets shot, and he is dying, with his last gasps he says “What are you prepared to do?” and I cry like a baby. Not the biggest role he ever played, but he hit that one just right, in my eyes. He was fantastic.

As we make our way through the election, the holidays, the ‘Rona and more, ask yourself “What are you prepared to do?” I think we are in for a long haul, I am prepared to make it through this. And I am prepared to use laughter as a tool of survival. I hope you can find something ridiculous and hysterical that you love, and I hope you can laugh so hard you tinkle just a little. We have had a lot taken from us for 8 months. What are you prepared to do to keep moving ahead? Be safe, take care of yourself, wash your hands, and please wear that mask when it is appropriate.

Don’t get too excited. We aren’t talking about poop here. Yet. My thoughts have derailed before, they may again. No, I am talking about being exhausted. I think lots and lots of us are. But not just being physically exhausted, but mentally. I see it all over the Facebook. People are just over it. All of it. But we have to keep going, because the idea of stopping is just exhausting too. So nobody can win, it seems.

I can say first on my list is the election. I am so ready for it to be over. This election cycle is just wearing my butt out. The constant assault of the ads would be one thing, but it is all so many people are talking about, there is just no break from it. A pesky little pandemic makes it worse, for sure. Because that is the only other topic of conversation. And who you talk to makes the conversation swing this way or that way. No wonder we are all so tired. The this thing about it, that thing about it and who is ultimately to blame. I am getting to the point where I will take the blame if it gets one person to shut their cake hole. This election is busting people up in a way I have never seen in my 50 years. A conversation I had earlier today with an old friend really made me sad about it. Issues with a sibling, both on either end, pulling, and the line seems to have snapped. Now he is left with his end of the string, trying to figure if it is worth walking to the middle to see if they can find that middle ground to maintain a relationship. So yeah, let’s get this election over with. At the end of the day, it isn’t worth it, all the fighting.

Speaking of the ‘Rona… Things pretty much suck here in Wisconsin. We are The Hot Spot of the nation right now. Everyone is getting the ‘Rona. Yes, most are recovering. Thank God. My friend lost her aunt to it almost 2 weeks ago. She was an otherwise healthy woman, mid 60s. She got sick, and didn’t make it out of the hospital. A lot of people I know have gotten it now, and stayed relatively healthy if they showed symptoms at all. But I have heard a few stories of the extended hospital stays, the intubations, and how sick they got, which was really sick. Things aren’t likely to improve because our state government is in a giant pissing match, so while they throw their weight around actual real people are infecting other real people, and our hospitals are filling up and nobody stops going out to the bars. Exhausting. Not being able to return to some normalcy has been exhausting. I went to pick up some fish fry last night, at 8:30 on a Friday night so many stores and places were locked up tight for the night. They can’t afford to keep their regular hours, pay employees and run their businesses in a normal fashion. It was sad to see these places closed. It’s going to be a long time before anything feels normal. Keep it up Wisconsin, we’re #1. (Sad face.)

We wait all our young lives to get to be grown-ups, and feel like we are in charge of our own stuff. Only to get there and find that being an adult is the most overrated place to be so much of the time. There are obligations, bills to pay, really expensive purchases to make and pay for until it’s time for the long dirt nap. And you get to be tired for all of it. Nobody sees the warning signs until your are in the ditch and no tow truck will come get you out. I try to make the best out of stuff, find some peaceful place to rest it for a while. But that’s tough. So much other stuff gets you pulled out of the place where your Zen can adjust the sails.

How are you coping with the “tired?” I hope you have something to hold onto right now. My gym is able to stay open right now, with some restrictions, and that is what is keeping me going right now. It’s kind of the only place I have right now with a truly positive vibe going on. Work is OK, we are holding each other up as well as we can, while we have people getting sick, getting better, and it’s been a cycle. Our little corner of the place has kept it together, I am assuming our cookie and cupcake intake is what is keeping us healthy. But I see the wear and tear, the tread marks on our back. We are all tired of worrying about it. And it’s just affected everything, all the way across the board. I just hope all of you are keeping it together, and finding some positive things and seeking the light, not withdrawing to the dark. It’s tough, all of it is. I don’t think November 4th will bring as much to us as we all hope it will. The ‘Rona ain’t gonna let go that easily, and no matter who wins, we likely are going to lose something, no matter who you hoped for. So be kind, look for a place of peace, and if you need some light, ask for it. We all have a responsibility to light each other’s path, should a dark shadow cast itself on your area. I will keep trying to lift you up, because Lord knows so many of you have for me at different times.

There, I managed to keep it poop free, mostly. I have lots of poop bags available with Zelda around, so it all ends up where it belongs. Stay healthy, and get some rest, pick up that poop and keep it classy.

When the weather cooperates, there is no prettier month than October, in my opinion. Mother Nature is showing off her prettiest hues and really giving us all she’s got this time of year. Spring and summer are great, but it’s the staging area for all of what this month can show us.

I think last year we kind of got hosed out of a nice October, the weather got cold, and stayed cold, so a lot of the colors didn’t pop, and then that gross rain you get this time of year just made the leaves big piles of gross mush. So far, 10 days into the month, it’s been mostly pretty great here in the upper Midwest. I like it. A lot.

Now of course, the ‘Rona is making things less cool, but the view is still great. This morning it is sunny and bright, and I don’t look to sit here too long typing away before I go out and get a look at the show. I want to go find some apple cider today, some apples and maybe even buy a pumpkin to have rot on my front stoop for the next couple of weeks. It’s the perfect day for all of it. Then Zelda and I will go for a couple of walks and she can eat grass and leaves like the weirdo she is and we will enjoy the great day we have been given.

I feel like we really have to take advantage of it this year. Because of how it’s all gone. We missed a lot this year, and I just want everyone to slow down for a minute and really take it all in, before it gets cold, snowy and the winter depression that would hit anyway gets amplified by this restricted way we have been existing since March. Appreciate the glorious colors and smells that is Autumn. It seems a little more special this year, and we really should appreciate it.

I am in a special situation for me this year, because I have the time on the weekends now to participate in the fall activities, except there kind of are none. But it is still time that I would have spent working at the restaurant if that hadn’t gone the way it did, and I would have been too tired after the shifts to do much, and it’s dark early, so I missed a lot over the years. This year I promised myself I would really focus on the beauty of it, and I have been, I promise. I hope all of you are able to as well. Like I said above, it really is quite a show Ma Nature gives us.

I know that a lot of struggling is happening, keeping it all together is hard right now. The ‘Rona, the election, all of the things that have come with that, stress, illness, and quite a bit of despair. I wish for everyone right now, this weekend, to set it aside if you can, even just for a few minutes, and step outside and take a deep breath. Close your eyes for a moment, breathe and really appreciate what you see when you open your eyes again. Your yardwork can wait, more leaves are going to fall anyway. If you can, take a little time to take a drive and enjoy the colors, the rolling views and vistas. It will all be done in a couple of weeks, and we will have to hunker down for the winter. And while there can be beautiful things that time of year as well, this is the time we are in now. Live that life, love that life.

There is a lot to talk about. Too much really. But since leaving you all unsupervised for an extended period is a bad idea, I am going to take a crack at it, even though Zelda has zero tolerance for me ignoring her like this. She’s being a whiner, but to be fair, I did pet another dog this morning, briefly, but I was thinking about her the whole time.

So, Donny got the ‘Rona. Since this is my blog, I can say what I want. So here it is: Dude, I am not surprised, just that it took this long. I am waiting to see how this plays out. Will he change his tune at all about it? Now, I don’t think this is a laughing matter, but a little laughter would do us all some good. So the memes have been entertaining. My favorite? Dr. Fauci just chuckling to himself. No words, just him. I have never, ever liked Trump. I think he is an ass, to use a phrase my mom once uttered about George Costanza. But I don’t want him to die from this, just get sick enough that he sees what it can be, and has been for a lot of people. Not everyone dies from it, we know. The mortality rate isn’t catastrophic. Let’s face it, he hits a lot of the markers for being high risk, older, obese and a male. It’s been hard on that particular demographic. So I am just on standby here, seeing what’s what. No more, no less.

I am tired. Tired of the “I can’t wear a mask” people. Hear this now: NOBODY LIKES WEARING THE MASKS. Nobody. It sucks. I have to wear them at work, when in common areas. We have had positive people. I wear it at the gym. We have had positive people there too. I wear them at the store. I don’t know who is positive there, including if I am asymptomatic or not. So it’s a courtesy. I do not know if the woman in the checkout ahead of me, or the guy behind me, is headed home to a person who is high risk. I just want to be a good person, so I wear the dumb mask. I am not going to argue with people about the merits or drawbacks. It is me, doing what I feel is best for me and the people I am around. You can’t wear a mask, for a medical concern or an anxiety thing? OK, I will stay clear of you in public. I don’t want to unknowingly pass anything to you and your at risk situation, whatever it may be. But know this, I am not a sheep. I am not hiding at home. I have been out every day of this thing, working. Because I have to or I won’t make it. I have no safety net. I support myself. So wearing a mask is a measure I am willing to take to be safer, maybe not completely safe, but safer.

Now, off the ‘Rona, sort of. People are having a tough time. In lots of ways. People with kids not in school, or in and out of school. People juggling multiple jobs. People that gained weight during this and are having a tough time with that. People who keep their nose in their computer and never see the light of day because they are working and parenting and teaching. People are having a tough damn time. Here it is: BE NICER. Everyone. Just quit the negative output, please. Everyone will have a moment here and there, I get it. I think your energy, whatever you have left in the tank, should be used for something a little better than fighting on Facebook or Tik Tok or whatever your jam is. Knock it off. You all are fighting. Every little thing triggers someone. It’s why I am going to keep sharing the shit out of that video of the guys dancing to different songs each day. We all need some silliness. Every last one of us. We all have enough stress and drama, but some of y’all are inviting more in. What is wrong with you?

I am going to wander off now, Zelda has been more than patient here. She needs a walk, and so do I, to clear the head, and pick up some poop. I hope you are all healthy, I hope you are feeling that you can keep moving towards something positive when so much seems so negative. Rise up above that negativity, and look for the good. It is there, I promise. Someone you know and love needs to be lifted up, and you are strong enough to do it.

It’s too noisy right now. Everyone is talking, nobody is listening. There is so much background noise. It’s an election year, so that is normal to a point, but it’s worse right now. The pandemic has added a huge amount of noise, since the majority of us have never lived through a pandemic before, I get that it would be noisy. How can anyone make any sense of anything with so much noise happening. I have considered that it is all by design. In fact I am convinced that it is all by design. How can we turn it all down?

Duck hunting season started yesterday. Seems like an odd way to transition from that first paragraph, I know. But here is my thought on that: These hunters have turned down the volume. They go out to their wooded areas, in this case they are likely near water, and they are quiet. While they wait it out, they are quiet. Any hunting season requires a good amount of silence about it. Yes, it gets noisy when the shot gets fired, but up to that it is a peaceful moment of solitude for the hunter. I wasn’t raised in a hunting family, in fact the thought of Ed out in the woods in camo truly cracks my up. But I get the draw, the appeal of the solitude of the process.

So that is literal silence. But not everyone is cut out to be a hunter. I think about the idea of having to drag stuff back out of the woods and cleaning it, and I am out. Not my thing. But if I want to have that kind of peace they have before the target gets hit, I have to find my “forest” as it were. We all should be trying to get to a more silent spot, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Back in the restaurant days, if we wanted some quiet for a moment, you ran to the bathroom. People tend to leave you alone in there. But it had to be a quick hit it and quit it thing. Linger too long and they will come looking for you, and things can go to hell fast if you stay away from your guests too long. But for those few moments, it was kind of peaceful. Smoke breaks were never a way to get some solitude, because someone else would always want to go out with you. That’s no good, because it is always the chattiest person, and I don’t smoke, so that didn’t work for me either.

But the majority of the noise I am talking about comes from the media, social and otherwise. It’s 24/7 and getting away from it is nearly impossible. And people are obsessed without realizing that they are. I know I am, I am on Facebook far more than I should be, and I don’t realize how much time I spend there. I keep thinking how awesome it would be to walk away from it for the next month and a half, but I know I won’t. Especially since I found the video of the guys clog dancing to different songs every day. How could I leave them? I just found them!! Thankfully I have no interest in the Tik Tok or other apps out there. I would be even less productive than I am already. But it’s noisy as hell, and people just post things to start an argument. Arguments that nobody will win. Fights about things they do not truly understand but think they do. And it gets louder and louder and nobody listens. Just noise.

I am throwing someone under the noise bus right now. My brother Paul. He keeps posting political stuff. I am quite sure he thinks he is educating people. But he is having the same people jump on there to fight every single time. Nobody is learning anything, and he certainly isn’t changing the minds of any of the people that respond. They just fight, he comments with something that backs up his original point, and they fight more. Noise. Just useless noise. Maybe he thinks he can reach one of his liberal friends and they will have an epiphany. Not likely. So I took the opportunity to bag on him yesterday, by commenting not about his post, but about how he needs to step away from the noise for a minute, actually 30 minutes, and get his Coronary Attacked Ass back to the gym. You want noise? I can be the loudest person in any room. Convincing people to change their political affiliation ain’t gonna matter if you drop dead while you read National Review. This will be my new approach with him. Just like trying to get him to vote for a democrat would be an act in futility, this might be too, but at least I am trying to be productive.

But I got off on a rant there. Any opportunity to attack my brother, you know? But there is a point, at least in my mind. Once in a while, you have to step away from it. All of the noise. And do something good for yourself. Maybe you meditate. Perhaps yoga is your thing. Even a noisy gym can be an oasis as long as it takes you out of the fray of the social media/regular media for a little bit. It can not be healthy for your mental well being to be immersed in it so much. Go out in the woods, or out on a boat. Take a drive and see the beautiful countryside. But quiet all that noise.

***Here it is right now, however, Paul. I am about to get noisy as hell to get you back on track to taking care of yourself. I have people on my side on this, and at least one of them lives with you. The only path to peace and solitude will be to comply.

There’s a “drug house” in my neighborhood. It’s been a problem for a while, and a couple of months ago, the cops finally busted it, and the father and son that lived there were arrested and charged with a whole list of things. A kid had OD’d and died, so that was a big problem. The thing was, that people were still showing up there all the time. This is a block away from me, so I don’t see it all the time, but the few houses right around it are definitely affected. My friend and her husband have 2 cameras they put up because they have had it. They catch a lot of things going on over there, all the coming and going of people. The neighbors over there are exhausted.

So the cops do what they can. They have lots going on, but they respond, but unless they find someone there, not a lot can be done. It’s got a notice posted, no one is supposed to be there, but it happens all the time. So a few days ago, Dad gets out of jail, his bail got reduced and he posted and got out. He is back at the house. Things had finally calmed down over there, for about 3 weeks it was little to no action. Until last night. I get a message from my friend, it just said “Overdose” and I responded “Where?” but I knew. That POS picked right up where he left off back in July. There were 4 people in a car, she saw them, and they dumped the guy ODing on the grass and they took off. Now we have about 8 or more squad cars and an ambulance over there. I think the person is ok, they gave the Narcan and went to the hospital. Cops get a warrant, go in the house but don’t find anyone. We were all out there about an hour, and I ended up going home.

I am fairly naive about drugs, but I am not, you know? When I was a kid, the school brought a young girl in to talk to us about her drug use. I am sure it was a court ordered thing, but she went into great detail about drugs she had used, things she had done to get drugs, how she prostituted herself and what a mess her life was as a result. I might have been about 10 or 11 years old. I cannot speak for any other person in that room, but I heard her, she got to me loud and clear. She scared the crap out of me, and therefore I have largely stayed clear of drugs. I smoked pot a couple of times back in the early 90s, but I had to get talked into it. So my knowledge comes from the many substance abusing friends I have as a result of restaurant work. I have seen some people ruin their lives, I have seen some people fight back and beat their addictions, and they fight every single day. And I always think of that girl. I don’t know if she ever made it, she was a mess, but if I could, I always wanted to let her know that she at least saved me from it. To thank her would be amazing, if she made it.

So that is why this drug thing is so hard. They have been pumping the anti-drug message pretty hard for 40+ years now. I get it, I know what it can do, I have extended family that fell to it, I know people that fight it. So it is just so sickening that this keeps going on a block from my house. That bastard was out of jail 3 days and people are OD’d on a Tuesday night. My neighbors are all scanning their video feeds for footage to help the police find the car that dumped the guy in the yard. We had kids running back and forth from their houses to see what is happening at 9:00 on Spring Street. They picked up John, the guy that got out a few days ago, he came walking by like he was on a casual stroll. He saw the one squad car that was still there and kept walking, but my friend recognized him and called out his name, and like a dumbass he answered so the cops arrested him. But he was out later that night. The neighbors think something more was going on, there were more cars coming and going. It goes on and on, all for some meth or heroin.

If it was just some junkie, some random person, I could probably ignore it all pretty successfully. But this is my neighborhood, my neighbors are all affected by this. They have kids. They want this crap to be over. But the cars keep stopping and leaving, strange cars drive by slow up and down Summit Street. And nobody over on that block sleeps right at night. Their Ring cameras go off, the security cameras keep recording, and the guy in the yard is gasping for breath waiting for the paramedics to come save him so he can get better to get the next hit. The talk last night was everybody turn their cameras off for a few minutes and we will have a bonfire, burn it to the ground. We laugh and say “just kidding” but I am beginning to think we aren’t.

The sun is coming up now, so it may be 12 hours until we see any more action. But I hope what I see is more squad cars patrolling, less junkies walking around, and my neighbors relaxing, just a little bit. These are good people, living in what should be a quiet little neighborhood, and they deserve more peace than 8+ squads and an ambulance on a Tuesday night.

We all have a story. The stories we have accumulated as we travel our path. Happy ones, sad ones, triumph and tragedy. When you tell your story, and someone listens intently, it can be magical. It can be scary. It can be repetitive. But we all tell them, and we should because we really can learn a lot if we tell and listen to the stories of our lives.

I was watching “Good Will Hunting” last night. It’s such a good movie, and given how Robin Williams’ story abruptly stopped 6 years ago, it holds a little heavier weight for me these days. I can watch that movie through the eyes and ears that have seen and heard many more stories than when I first watched it 23, yes that many, years ago. I didn’t go through much that those characters, Will and Sean, went through in their lives. And I am certainly not intelligent on that level that Will was, nobody I know is, but I am smart enough to get the message.

We all have stuff. Even the most picture perfect childhoods can hold some kind of trauma that isn’t visible to the people you know. I have talked here and there about some of my stuff, my family’s stuff. I don’t like talking about some of it, and some of it flows easily to those who will listen. I certainly don’t like to project what my siblings feel out to the world, because I don’t know what is in their heart, and they may not be in a place to tell their side of the stories. It isn’t some deep dark secret stuff, most likely. Our mom was sick, our dad did and didn’t deal with it, and we grew up. We are all still here, survivors of our circumstances, and the argument of whether or not we have thrived or not remains in action, a story in progress.

Starting 2 new and very different jobs this year has put me in a spot where I am telling some of my story again to new ears and hearts. I was at the restaurant for 10 years, people knew what I told them 10 years ago, and we worked together. Language barriers made it easy to not have to tell too much. Basic stuff, I am single, my parents are gone, my family will come visit and eat and drink here, etc. Comfortable. We lived our lives together at work, went home, and told funny things that happened on the next shift. We care about each other, but keep our lives in a separate little box. Work and life sometimes overlap, which can be pretty cool.

So now I am telling the stories again. New audience, new reactions and questions. The questions can be hard. Not therapy hard, but the things like “I can’t believe you’re still single. Why?” kind of questions. I don’t know why, nobody asked me to get married, I guess. That is my pretty standard answer, it puts the onus on someone else, off of me. I tell some of the stories of how I lost my parents, who my siblings are, and old work stories which are always entertaining. So we get to know each other, and a little understanding grows, and I get a new work family. That is going fairly well, I am working in a place that cares about the people, the people care about each other, and it is a good atmosphere. But it is hard, because I have to look at myself. Make sure they see enough, but not so much that the cracks show.

We all have cracks. I guess that is the point. In the movie, Will thinks he is hiding his cracks pretty well. He is sure trying to hide them from Skylar, but Sean isn’t having that. Of course that is his job, but then he has to look at his own cracks too. You can polish that surface, the parts you put out there for public consumption, but the cracks will rise up if you don’t treat them properly. Hiding them isn’t dealing with them. It’s time to turn it around and ask and answer the questions. Tell your story. We are all supposed to be the hero of our own story, as we are told often, but what nobody tells you is that all heroes have flaws. It’s part of the plot, it’s built into the storyline. I have been telling the parts of the story here, a little bit, but I think I have to start looking at the cracks a little harder before something drops and I shatter into little pieces. I am trying to work on it, I can do better. I think a lot of us need that. It’s why people become obsessed with other subjects, like politics, working out, eating a certain way, all things that will shift that focus off your cracks and make people think you have it all together.

How is your story? Is it funny, or sad, maybe thrilling or a docudrama? It is your story, and you can make it interesting, or it can become a bedtime story. The plot may twist, it can shift at any given time. And you can be the hero, with the built in flaws, but if you are afraid nobody is interested in your story, you are wrong. As we are all telling a story. Everyone of us. And we are enjoying the plot, we are a character in the story, even if it is just as a minor co-star in the ending credits. Tell your story. I promise someone wants to hear it.