I am not here to convince anyone of anything. The issue runs so deep, people have their minds made one way or another, nothing I say will change their path, make them see it through my eyes anyway. But maybe they can see how I got to where I am on it. If nothing else, this will serve as a little therapy for me. At the end of the day I only answer to myself.

I was never going to get an abortion. As it turns out, for me, most likely it wouldn’t have ever have to come up as an option. I found out a few years ago that my fallopian tubes are relatively jacked up, so getting pregnant likely wouldn’t have been possible. I never wanted to have children, I haven’t ever felt that maternal urge, or need. Growing up with mental illness in the family, and some other genetic pitfall possibilities, I was good with letting it end with me. I likely was never going to have to make the inquiry about how to go about the process of ending a pregnancy. But, like I said, I only found this out a few years ago, when I had some ovarian cyst issues. I was in my 40s, so considering I had hit puberty and got my first period just before I turned 12, that’s 40 years of possible situations. That’s a long time to think about stuff.

Kids get sexually active younger and younger it seems these days. Girls get their periods at pretty young ages, and I thought 11 was young for me. So they can get pregnant that early, should a male ejaculate in or near their genital area. She wouldn’t even be done growing that young, still a few growth spurts to come, hips and such are still coming in and maturing. So a young girl gets pregnant and is at risk. It is just the way things are. Emotionally, 11 year old girls are a mess. Hormones start to kick in, and they rage. From one moment of mirth to unexplainable tears the next, you couldn’t pay me to go back to that age when everything is an ordeal, because your hormones have taken over. I hate that young girls that age sometimes end up pregnant for so many reasons, but the thing is, they are not equipped to be a parent at that age. Our nation just guaranteed that they have no choice in it. They will carry that baby to term. Or will they? Desperate people do desperate things. Will she tell her parents, or hide it? What if she tries to do something on her own, or have one of her friends help her out? What if she kills herself? Because these things still did happen with legal, safe abortions, now we will see more of it.

I was sexually assaulted, back in the 90s. I think if you ask a lot of women, you will find an awful lot of them who have been. I wasn’t raped, but it was close to that, really. I was at a party at a friend’s apartment. I was drunk and tired, so I went in a bedroom to sleep for a bit. Those were my party days, for sure. We would work until midnight, go to the bars, then to after bar parties all the time. Some creeper friend of a friend found me in there passed out, and saw an opportunity. He climbed on top of me, held me down when I started to wake up and was making his move when one of the other guys at the party came by, the door was open enough to catch what was happening. He yanked the guy off me and called a couple more people in to kick the crap out of him. I was fine, he hadn’t made it too far into his assault. I am forever thankful to the guys who stepped in, and beat his ass. But, what if dumbass had actually shut the door all the way, and he had raped me? What if I had ended up pregnant from that assault? Today, I would have had to live with it, for at least 9 months of my life. No options. Maybe he would lie and say I wanted it, he didn’t rape me. See, with this new possibility that abortion in the event of a rape not being an option, women aren’t going to be believed anymore when they report a rape. So many women already don’t report rape, because they fear no one will believe them. This is going to make it so much worse.

I don’t doubt for a minute that there have been women that have used abortion as a birth control. But making it illegal doesn’t make it stop. It just increases the risk involved for the woman. Not the man. It is never a risk for a man. Women hold the bag when it comes to pregnancy. Not every guy is a bad guy, they aren’t all rapists or sexual predators. We all know that. The majority are good guys, and most pregnancies are wanted, or at least become wanted if it is a surprise. I said above, I likely would never have had an abortion anyway. It just isn’t me, really. But I don’t know, especially when I look at a rape scenario, or an incest possibility. Until you have walked a mile in those shoes, you don’t know what you would do.

What worries me to my core, is now that this is gone, what do they come after next? There was a time not long ago when women couldn’t vote. What if they come for that? They can take everything from us, if we aren’t paying attention and careful. I am a woman in my 50s, so illegal abortion does not overly affect me. But it affects my nieces, and their friends. If affects my friend’s daughters, and all of the girls and young women who are walking behind me. There are states where access to birth control will become illegal or incredibly limited. I do not understand how we could get to this point, in a country that promotes freedom and equality, we pick at the loose strings of those freedoms until it unravels.

I have always considered myself to be Pro-Choice. I came to that at an early age, in my late teens, after I read stories about what happened to desperate women before Roe v Wade. Back alley butchers, women ending up mutilated or dead because they bled out. Stories of women who looked for help in a sad situation and ended up maimed or dead. I thought to myself, who am I to judge a woman for making that decision? The stories of the wealthy men who knocked up their mistresses, took them for abortions they may not have wanted to have, but forcing it on them, and they ended up never able to have a child because their forced abortion went so badly. There are tons of these stories when you look for them, and now there will be tons more. Safety and medical knowledge will be withheld. Abortions will still happen, they always have and always will. We have taken the option of safety and thrown it away. Control, it is and has always been about control. I am not a judge, whatever reason a woman sought an abortion is not my business. That woman will have to reconcile what she decided with herself, not me. I don’t wish anything for peace for women that make that choice, because I never had to live one minute of her life, only my own.

I am not here to convince you of anything but this: This is not over. There are many voices that will be heard, and while there is going to be some very difficult times in the near future, this does not end here. We still have voices, and women still have a vote. Listen, and then be heard.

Words of advice, from my Pops. He was full of useful little nuggets like that, and as you go through life, you find that lots of dads have their go to phrases. They are cheesy in nature, but wholesome in functionality. He was right, push hard, things will be easier. Not everything has been easy, but having you as my dad helped, Ed. Thanks for that.

It’s Father’s Day. The Day of the Daddio. Lots of grills will be fired up, lots of fun little gifts handed out, and lots of gratitude for the guy that made it happen. I know lots of dads in my life. I would say the majority of men I know who are fathers just love the job. The Facebook feed has been full of best wishes for the dads who are here, some who have left the earth, and it just makes my heart warm. My dad was the most special man I ever knew, I miss him every single day. He wasn’t perfect, but he was my dad, and that made him a legend in my mind and my heart.

Father’s Day is a little different than Mother’s Day. It should be, but I have always been interested in how they are different. On mom’s day, the restaurants are packed, nobody would dare to make mom cook on her special day. But dads everywhere will be firing up a grill today to cook their family some hot dogs and kabobs. Flower sales soar for Mother’s Day, I think it’s still golf balls and neck ties for dad. Either way, it’s all celebrating those adults who gave you life, and should the celebration get you fed and give you some memories, all the better!

My own dad has been gone for 32 years, it’s been many years since I celebrated a Father’s Day in the traditional way. He usually would go golfing, and we would cook out or something later on. He didn’t make a big deal out of the day, but you could always tell he loved being a dad. He had all of his corny dad sayings and jokes, he loved giving us the business, and we loved giving it all right back to him. I think of him every single day, in one way or another. Always my hero, that guy.

If you are a dad, enjoy your day. Take it easy and enjoy the celebration. Those of you lucky enough to still have your dad with you, get a picture of you together if you are able, it will mean the world to you someday. I know a few people who lost their dad this year. I am aware of how much this type of day can stink, but make the best of it by celebrating your dad, he was a big presence in your life, enjoy his legacy in some way.

Whether you are a dad, step dad, or a male role model for a kid who doesn’t have a dad around, it is your special day. You don’t have to be a biological father to have a great role in a young person’s life. Continue to be a bright light, so many kids need someone to look up to, and if you are filling that spot in life, you are big hero too. Thanks.

Happy Father’s Day to my brothers, Mark, Pat and Paul, and my stepbrother Mark Arthur. You guys are great dads, your hearts are huge, and you are doing a great job. Truly.

It occurs to me it’s been more than a hot minute since I have posted anything. I can’t say it’s been for any fantastic reason. Just time, ticking away. I have been busy at work, we had a big hail storm move through the area a little more than a month ago, and in the roofing industry that means an ass kicking will ensue. Us and the auto body industry. If you have friends or family in either, and you haven’t heard from them in a bit, that’s why. We are currently buried. We will dig our way back out and be with you soon.

I have had some friends in some turmoil too, experiencing some pretty big personal losses. That’s tough, you want to be supportive, but give them space enough to do their grieving too. Deaths, divorces, surgeries, and struggles. It is a part of life, we all go through them and it’s good to have people there for you when you need them. I take all those things to heart, when someone I love goes through a thing, I feel it pretty deep and that can put me in a mini depressive state. Not enough to take me out of the game, but I turn in a little to process it. I think a lot of people do that, it’s part of being human. Nobody likes to see people they love hurting, but they don’t always know how to help. I do think everyone is healing, in their own ways, but I still worry about them.

Lots of good stuff going on too, which is fun. I have been busy being a groupie for my niece, Natalie, as she is wrapping up her senior year in high school. I went to awards night for her, and her band life has had a state ensemble performance, and her last band concerts too. I made it to one soccer game, last week was prom, and this week her jazz group has a thing tomorrow night and graduation on Wednesday. She has been a busy young woman, and I have had fun following her and trying not to get my overflowing estrogen all over the place. I get a little emotional watching her go through all this growing up. It’s been fun to be around it all her life, happy to have had the opportunities.

In a little less than two weeks my friend Amy and I, along with her sister, are going on an Alaskan cruise. The three of us in international waters consuming food and booze the whole way. Can’t see where that could be anything but fun! Look out Alaska, we are on our way!! We have had this planned for awhile, and the waiting for it to get here has been slow going. But we are almost there, and I am really starting to get excited for it, it feels like a real grown-up vacation. I have been on a cruise before, so I am somewhat familiar with the dynamic, but it will be different as this is not a tropical destination. I will let you know how that all goes, in a few weeks.

We haven’t had the greatest spring around here. It wasn’t awful, it just was real reluctant to get warmer as we went along. Even this morning it is chilly sitting here with the window open. But the flowers are blooming now, and the grass has greened up nicely, and we are on our way to summer. I am looking forward to it, this year feels like we are post-pandemic enough to have some things to look forward to and enjoy them. I am going to get to a few baseball games, concerts and shows, and just remember to stop once in a while to appreciate exactly how lovely Wisconsin is when we get to this place in the trip around the sun. In the dead of winter when we ask ourselves “why do we live here?!” this is the time of year that answers it.

It feels good to sit down and pound this out, as it has been a while. I get too many words stuck inside and I can’t be responsible for what flies out of my cake hole when I talk to actual people. It’s not that the world needs to know what I have been up to for six weeks or so, but it is good to check in for a bit. We all have things to share, this is just my stuff for now. I hope everyone is good, all is well, and you are heading into each week with some hope and happiness. We are in it together, our souls are bound together in this life, so we should wish for the best for everyone we know, and hold each other up when the best is not readily available.

I have been thinking a lot lately of how to make a life metaphor, for a friend of mine. It’s an effort to lift her up a little after a tremendous loss. Her young son, 15 years old, passed away after a medical emergency. When I spoke with her, she asked me to write something for our high school class Facebook page, to let everyone know she is doing ok, and what happened to her son. Because of his age, she was concerned that people may think he took his own life, or that maybe it was a drug issue. That’s a tricky thing, having to be the keeper of a person’s legacy, and she takes it very seriously, as she should as his mother.

It really got me thinking, of how do you keep a person’s spirit with you, after their physical life has ended. Especially such a young spirit. I didn’t really know him, I only met him once when he was a very small child. I can’t speak to his personality, likes, hobbies or anything. I only know what his family can tell me. They knew him, they will keep his spirit going. They are now the ones who have to sing his song.

We all have a soundtrack to our lives, whether we are musical or not. There are moments, places, and things that inspire us and make our hearts sing. Some of the songs our hearts sing are happy, some are a little sad, some are loud and some are quiet. Like music playing in the background, it is there, even if we don’t know the words to the song, we hum along whether we realize it or not.

My friend’s son had his life song cut short. But it did play in his heart for 15 years. She was there, and she may not know all the words, but she can continue to sing the parts she knows, and kind of hum along to the rest. Right now it probably is just playing softly in her heart, keeping the beat to keep her going. There are days she will sing along to it without even realizing it, I hope. And as days go on, and she has to adjust to her new reality with him singing softly to her, and he will. The people we love the most never really are completely gone, the music they gave us plays on a constant loop that we don’t always hear, but it plays softly in the background. When you do hear it, your heart will swell with love, and it will be beautiful.

I am old enough to have lost many people I love, and I have written about them before with tears in my eyes. Today my tears are for my dear friend, as today is her young man’s funeral. All the songs that I have singing in my heart are playing today as I write this, all those beautiful voices I had the joy of hearing in life are there. Today I hope more than anything, that my dear friend is surrounded by love, and she will be, and that the song she sings today is that of her boy, singing in her heart. He will also be singing to his brother and father, and all of his his family and friends who knew him, loved him, and know the words of his song, as it lives with them in their hearts for all of their days.

Three years ago, prior to all the Covid setting into our lives, my brother Mike, sister Marge and her husband Butcher and I were in lovely Chandler, Arizona for Brewers’ Spring Training on St. Patrick’s Day. On our breakfast trek that morning, we came across an extremely festive St. Pattty’s Day enthusiast who wasn’t letting the early hour keep him from spreading joy. It is best to assume he was still going from the previous night. He had what Mike refers to as “The High-Pro Glow” and glowing he was. He declared that he F’ing Loved Us Irish MF’ers!! A glorious start to a glorious day, for sure!

That was the last trip to Spring Training, and we will make it back at some point, hopefully next year. But it gets me to thinking of St. Patrick’s Days gone by, and my love for the day that makes everyone Irish, and a lot of people drunk. The day also very often falls into the March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament, adding fuel to a drunk fire. It can be a very fun day. Even days I worked the holiday were fun. People are festive, celebrating all things Irish, like Guiness and Jameson. It’s a day for merriment. Except the one year it wasn’t.

Two years ago, on March 17th, I served food and drinks for the last time. That was the day that the State of Wisconsin did what nobody thought they would ever see: shut down the bars. Covid was starting to rage. Following the trend in neighboring states, Wisconsin locked it down. Places had to close by 5:00pm. We did at Solea, and I walked out of there with tears in my eyes because I had no idea when, or if, I would ever be back. And as it turns out, I never did go back, really. Within a short period of time, our boss decided he would close that location permanently, for lots of reasons really, and it was only a business decision, which I totally understood then, and still do now.

Two years. It’s still unreal to me. I was sure I would work in that industry forever. I had no exit plan. I know I bitched fairly regularly about things in the industry, but the truth is I loved working in a restaurant. I never worked the same day twice. I got to know hundreds of wonderful people, even if it was only for a day sometimes. I have stories and experiences that have made me the person I am now. People can be hard to deal with sometimes, but I knew how most days. I miss it, so very much.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a good gig now. I am lucky that I landed as well as I did from that dark day two years ago. That day was full of unknown, and dread. I went home not knowing what I was going to do, or how I would make money for the long term. Thankfully, all those people I have met over the years came through for me, and I landed on my feet. I get to be a little bit of myself, my bartender/server self, at my new job. I just don’t get to use as many swear words, and they won’t let me put a tip jar on my desk. It’s fine. I have inquired about setting up a margarita station at the reception desk, I don’t know how far that has gotten through committee, but I am hopeful.

Here I am, two years later, and I happen to have the day off. NCAA tournament starts today, and I know places are open selling green beer. I am thinking about it, venturing out and declaring my love for the Irish MFers of the world. We’ll see, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t put a little Bailey’s in my coffee this morning while I contemplate my agenda. I think of the March 18ths I have had, and I don’t seem to recall them as fondly. But the idea that I can, well, that makes me feel better about where I have been on St. Patrick’s days past, and where I may be in the future Irish holidays. Carry on, all you Irish MFers!! I love you!!!

We changed the clocks again, at least most of them. My kitchen clock stays the same all year, and is now correct again as of 2:00am. The social media will be full for the next couple of days of people complaining, one way or another, about the whole idea being dumb. The old “Do you take the end off a blanket and put it on the other end and tell yourself you have a longer blanket?” crowd. Just shut it people, and enjoy the daylight going past your clock out time at work.

It’s an hour. You can complain for longer than that when you crank up your list of stuff you like to bitch about. You could adapt faster if you shut your trap. I am personally a fan of the extra daylight at the end. I feel like the hibernation period is over and we can all crawl back out into the world. I know I deal with that first morning of it by staying in bed longer. I did that this morning, I went back to bed for an hour. Problem solver? Why yes I am!!

What the time change really means to me is that it is really going to be Spring. We have just about crawled out of Winter. The Equinox is in a week. Yay!! I know that our friend, Mother Nature, gets the final say on when the winter junk really leaves, but as far as the tilt of the planet back towards the sun? It’s all happening! It’s time! The period of renewal and growth is coming. How are you going to spend that time?

I am excited about spending more time outside. Taking the Zelda on longer walks, getting my lunch hour walks back as the weather gets nicer. Sitting out on my little patio, watching the Summit Street world go by and sunsets. Baseball games, outdoor music events, and driving with my windows open. Doesn’t it all sound just perfect? Whatever your jam is for springtime, I hope you get all of it and more. We have earned it!

Especially this year. We have spent two years in a pandemic purgatory. It feels like we are coming out of it, like for real this time, and it feels good. Of course we don’t know what anything in the future holds, but this spring feels like it is bringing a little extra Hope along for the ride. I know the world is kind of a mess, the people of Ukraine may not feel as much hope as they deserve at the moment. The constant and inevitable bitching about gas prices is in full swing right now as well. (Side note about that, those bitching the loudest have the biggest vehicles that get 15 mpg, so I am not impressed by them.) But we are getting to Spring, and we should take time to enjoy it.

I truly believe that Spring brings us the most hope of any of the seasons. I think the extra daylight at the end of the day helps boost that feeling. If we have to chop that hour at 2 am to get a little more light at 6pm today, it is all worth it. We have endured darkness long enough for the cycle. We endure darkness in many place of our lives, a little extra light at dinner time can shift a mood and change an outlook. Enjoy all of it, and Happy Almost Spring!

I think everyone likes to feel appreciated, right? Sometimes that feeling is hard to come by, it isn’t something super tangible. You either are or are not appreciated, or you do or do not feel appreciation towards someone or something. It can be subjective. Like a person may really try to make you feel it, but you aren’t getting it, so it’s a tough thing to get a grasp on. I had 3 things happen yesterday that had me feeling it, appreciated. I noticed, so I thought I would share it.

First, we were in a training meeting yesterday. We are switching some sales software stuff at work, we used it in the past, went away from it, and are not returning to the one we ditched. Our little conference room has one window, in the door. I see our Operations Manager creeping out in the reception area. That isn’t all that unusual, it’s close to the kitchen, and where there’s a kitchen, JR isn’t far away. But he made a couple of sweeps nearby, knocked and asked if he could interrupt real quick. In his hands, he had 4 bouquets of flowers. He said that it was Employee Appreciation Day, and he handed them all to us girls. It was unexpected, and kind of sweet. We are very appreciated at work, we get lots of things like lunches bought for us, bonuses, department outings, and more. This was a really nice gesture, and I spent the rest of the day feeling that feeling, that they notice us, and what we do, and they appreciate it. Warm fuzzy feelings, all day on a Friday, not bad.

The next thing, an unexpected post on the Facebook, from my friend Shannon. She posted a picture of us, at the gym. She went on to shower me with a heap of love, about how she started at FIRE because of me, and my relentless posts about the gym. That I got her there, that she just appreciated me going to her first camp with her, and what our friendship means to her. We haven’t got to see a whole lot of each other the past 2 years, pandemically speaking. We stalked Todd at the Mile of Music last summer, of course, but it’s been a stretch again. She is married, has kiddos, a full time job, she’s on her local school board, and she is a part owner at her FIRE location. She is a busy girl! The fact that she took that time to post a really heartfelt and sweet post for me, well, I was the big old EFWB. Appreciated? Yeah, I feel it, and I give that right back to you, girlfriend. My heart is full.

More gym stuff. We have these camps once a month, on Friday nights, called Black Label. They are put together by a coach, and they are tough. They are also fun, and a good way to see some of the people you don’t normally get to see at our usual camps because everyone is on different schedules in life. Plus we get beer at the end. (I appreciate the beer, but that is not where this is going, at least not yet.) As we go around the stations, working hard and cheering each other on, we don’t really visit a lot, but we see each other. At the end, we take a group picture and drink that beloved and well earned beer. There’s a younger woman, she has been at FIRE probably about 2 years now. She works pretty hard at the camps. What I didn’t know was that last night was her first Black Label. I was surprised by that, as sociable as she is and her hard work at camp makes it seem like a natural thing for her to get to with the rest of us mentally unstable gym nerds. She made a big point to come up to me at the end, and ask for a picture and thank me for always being an inspiration. Yep, I got the feels again. It felt great to hear that, because that has never been my goal, it has just been a byproduct of the thing.

You can go a lot of days of your life not feeling all of this. I got all of that on a Friday in March. It’s a lot to process, it gave me a lot to think about and it made me feel good. We won’t always know the impact we make in the lives of others. We aren’t always supposed to know, I think. What it did for me was make me want to pay more attention. To the people in my life that are getting through it all, easy some days, tough on others. The ones that are watching, learning, and trying to get better each day. I do truly appreciate that, more than ever, because by paying attention, and appreciating what and who you see, can make you a better and stronger person. Give that praise, shower the attention, and give that love out, because you are made of it. You will get it back, and you will want to give it right out again.

I appreciate all of you that gave it to me yesterday, thank you for noticing. Whatever it is you saw, thank you. I am humbled, and I am in awe of all of you, too.

February is drawing to a close. It’s the signal that Spring may just be coming after all. We rock out a short month, and it quickly becomes the month of the Vernal Equinox, St. Patrick’s Day, March Madness, Spring Training, Daylight Savings and all things hopeful and good. February tends to move on without a lot of resistance, and March comes in with the promise of better days. But March can be an a-hole too. But since I am way over the winter thing, I welcome March and its unpredictable ways.

It usually happens in the middle of February, I declare myself to be over winter. It was right on schedule, around Valentine’s day. I start ditching the winter coat as much as possible, I don’t wear my snow boots anymore. But this year it has been harder to ditch the coat so much. I walk Zelda every day, because she doesn’t give a crap about the temperature. It’s been cold! Maybe I am getting older and less tolerant of cold, but I have had to keep the winter coat handy. And the accessories! Mittens, scarves, and hats or headbands. I really hate all that stuff, and I drove my mother crazy for years by not wearing them. I am paying for that stubborn nonsense now because I bundle up like a psychotic Eskimo to take Z for a spin around the block.

You can also see when the other people have given up on winter. They don’t shovel their sidewalks anymore. That’s been a sign for years. There have been a few warmer days here and there, then it freezes again, so we get some pretty wicked ice on the sidewalks. I am pretty sure I am going to die on a frozen walk with the Zelda. I slip even a little and I start praying for Jesus to come get me now. Snow on top of ice is extra special. I am getting to the age where the broken hip jokes aren’t funny anymore. So I am super ready for Spring to come and stick because having to pay attention is exhausting!!

Once the Super Bowl happens, there is a lull in things. It was later this year, so I am hoping it doesn’t seem so long until March Madness and Spring Training carries us the rest of the way to real spring. But not much is going on, at least that I want to do, so it’s Cabin Fever time. I watch so much TV this time of year. It’s more noticeable to me since I have left the restaurant world. Since I don’t feel the need to be in a tavern every night of the weekend either anymore as well. I spent yesterday very happily watching movies that I have a hard time believing are more than 30 years old, but they are. I watched “Stand By Me” followed by “ET’ which led into “The Outsiders” and then “A Few Good Men.” (Some of those movies are nearly 40 years old, but I cannot handle that. Even though I know.) Don’t even ask me how much Estrogen Overflow I had yesterday, because it’s just gross.

I struggle with this time of year, because I just want to be able to go without the coat, and just do what I want. The weather doesn’t cooperate, but it should because the days are getting longer. I would love to get away on a little vacation, but that happened in January this year, and my ability to travel is limited by a lack of money, not willingness. I have a big trip in June, so I have to cool my heels that are already cold, until then. So I wait, here in the snow, for the goodness of Spring to come and kick in. And we really don’t even have that much snow, but I am just over it. We all are around the upper Mid West. It’s just that time. We are given little glimmers of hope, only to have the temperature drop 30 degrees overnight right after it snows an annoying 2 inches. Enough that it needs to be dealt with, but we don’t, because we are over it.

I do truly love living where we get all four seasons. The changes are very appreciated, it’s how we mark time, and how we live. I am just getting older and seeing the value in the Snow Bird life, but I am not old enough nor do I have enough in the retirement account to dream that much, just yet. It’s just a few short weeks until it is time for the shorts to come out, the parkas to get tucked away. We will make it, we do every year. I never want to sound like I don’t appreciate the lovely ways of the changing seasons, I just want to current one to change to the next one in an expedited manner. We all re-emerge and celebrate the Spring, and I do believe we are all ready. Melt away, winter, melt away.

Oh Valentine’s Day, you have circled back around. Here to torment the coupled and single of the universe. But it’s only a big deal because you choose to make it a big deal, really. Media puts the pressure on, so very many jewelry ads, during sporting events. When men are watching. And a lot of women. Watching the sparkles on the diamonds. I have always wondered who does that? Buys diamonds for someone on Valentine’s Day? Gross. Single Coco has spoken. It’s just too much for a Monday night.

I worked a lot of Valentine’s Days in restaurants and bars. People put a lot of pressure on this day. It’s sort of sad, because it is just a day, and more often than not it falls on a weekday, like this year is a Monday, definitely not a romantic day of the week. It isn’t sexy, like say a Thursday can afford to be. A lot of people hook up at Happy Hour on a Thursday. Monday? Nope, gotta early meeting on Tuesday, can’t possibly sweep you off your feet on Monday night. That’s why when it falls on a Monday, restaurants are busiest with the date night thing on Saturday.

There are still those that go out on that Monday night, the day of, because they are more traditional. Those people, who put that kind of emphasis on that one day, well, they suck. It’s Amateur Date Night. I have seen some of the cheapest of the cheap on Valentine’s nights. A couple of years ago, I had a guy pay his bill with a gift card, and he left me a pile of change, about $3.00, for a tip. He literally took his date out for $3.00 in assorted coins. Wow. What a catch. I wanted to chase them out and warn her off, tell her that this was not the future she deserves, because a night out is going to entail cruising the couch for change and finding that gift card his mom gave him for Christmas, he has been saving it for 6 weeks just for this special occasion! Run! Save yourself!!

You can see where a person may end up a little jaded when it comes to the Romantic Holiday that Valentine’s Day is built up to be. And I am a little teeny bit, but not too bad, all things considered. I like the idea of a day dedicated to being sweet to someone you love. It should be everyday, but not every person is good at that. Life piles up on you, and love and appreciation can take a backseat. Instead of taking your love to the backseat, wink wink.

I have spent a lot of years and Facebook posts encouraging people to not just look at it as a romantic holiday. But as a day to spread love to all kinds of people you love, your friends, parents, siblings, whomever you get a warm feeling for in your heart when they pop into your mind. It certainly doesn’t have to include a trip to Zales or to the flower shop. It’s doesn’t have to even be a cash purchase. Send a picture of you together on a social media thing, or even just a quick text. Who is your bestie? Buy them a coffee. Or a cocktail.

Some of my happy memories as a kid include my dad bringing me and my sister a carnation and a little cheap box of candy on Valentine’s Day. It likely wasn’t even every year or anything, but it happened a few times. He probably stopped late in the day and got them when they were getting marked down. But I didn’t care. The best guy I knew in my life gave me a token of affection! I think about it every year, I mention it every year, and it makes me smile every time. If I never got another Valentine in my whole life it wouldn’t matter because I got one from the first love of my life, my Pops. (I have gotten other Valentines in my life, to be clear.)

Who do you love? Lots of people, I bet. There are different types of love. So this holiday kind of gets the designation of the Romantic Love Day, but it doesn’t have to be. Not everyone has that in their life, or maybe they did, but it ended in a breakup, a loss of life, or some other unfortunate way. They shouldn’t be left out on a day like this. Celebrate the affection you have for a friend, a co-worker, a family member, kiddos in your life, or even your pet! Let them know, and if Valentine’s on a Monday is the day, that’s cool. If you want it to be Tuesday the 15th, that works too, all the candy gets marked down a little later in the day on the 14th. I appreciate a discount as much as the next guy! Just spread that love around like you are made of it, because you are!!

It’s probably just something you notice more as you age, the mortality of it all. I remember back when I worked at Annies, and we had newspapers around all the time. We had regulars that would come in, grab a paper and start at the obituaries. They would make jokes about how they were just making sure they weren’t listed. I always thought about how sad it was that it was the first thing they looked at. I was about 27 or 28 at the time. Now, at 52, I feel that. Except a hard copy of a newspaper is tough to come by these days.

2021 finished off by taking our beloved Betty White from us. We are still reeling from that, and now 2022’s Grim Reaper is hard at work, overachieving at intake volume. Yesterday alone we learned that Meat Loaf and Louie Anderson had been tapped. We have lost Sidney Poitier, Bob Saget, Dan Reeves and a few others and we are 3 weeks into this year. If I recall 2016 was kind of brutal like this. So we keep seeing the tributes, and walking down memory lane of the celebrities we grew up watching. Hell, I even read this morning that Arnold Schwarzenegger was in a car accident last night. Lay off, Satan!!! (Arnold is ok, by the reports I read.)

At the age of 52, an age I am ok with, I find myself in the middle of the “how young is too young to die” and the “they lived a nice long life” crowd. Betty was 99, knocking on 100 when she left us. I would think most of us would agree that she earned her rest, that she had a pretty good quality of life all of those years, and that it was just her time. But Bob Saget was 65, Louie Anderson was 68. That’s just too young! Right? Meat Loaf was 74, that’s fairly young when you are 52 looking ahead. I can’t say for sure what my current threshold of “too young” and they “lived a nice long life” is, but I would like to say it is somewhere in the 80s. I have known some people who are old klunks in their 30s and some ‘golden agers’ who are more lively and young at heart than some teenagers I know. It’s all relative, I guess.

We sure don’t get to pick how long we get to live. There are a lot of factors at play. Genetics can mess you up, accidents, illnesses. I have lost family and friends at very young ages, and I know some people who have defied every demon that could have taken them out early. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could all just drift off at an old age, peacefully, instead of all of the different things that potentially could befall us? We don’t get to decide that, I guess. Roll the dice, and live your life.

Somewhere along the line I decided that you get old if you let yourself feel old. The number doesn’t always mean anything. God willing, you keep yourself relatively healthy, and you can live a long life. But when do you start to feel old? Some mornings I roll out of bed and feel about 106. I think that can be about any of us, depending on what we did the night before. But mostly I am just happy to be up and at it. One of the girls at the gym said she doesn’t know how I am able to get there every day. I said, I don’t give myself a choice. I make myself do it. I didn’t for far too many years, and now that I know I can, I intend to for as long as I am able. I ran this tank to pretty low levels a lot of years, didn’t always treat myself very well, physically or mentally. I think I have found a better way now, even though that can still use a little improvement too. Time will tell.

I guess what I am getting at is that this year can keep up this pace if it wants to, we are here, and as long as we don’t see our names in the headlines, we are doing ok. The celebrities that die, whether young or not, had their time to live their lives, and that time ended. If we feel like a part of our youth died when we hear about another passing, just be happy you are still here to feel that emotion. Keep your heart young, even if that hair is going grey or just going away. Those are just symptoms, but you are still here and can treat your time here as a gift, and young people just don’t appreciate the gifts as much as us “old klunks” do. Happy Saturday, my people! (And just because I can, I will tack on a hearty GO PACK GO!!)